Shelly's Own Adventure
by Lavender Kiss
Summary: Shelly's pissed at her boyfriend and goes off on her own to settle things. She goes from Colorado to New York, intent on killing the woman that stole her man. ShellyxAmir and Stan and Kyle friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Shelly was pissed.

No explanation, no obvious reason, she was just really, really pissed. In fact, the Marsh family could hear curses and things being broken in her room. Now and then they flinched when something especially big broke. Boy, Stan had never seen his sister this crazy before. He kinda felt bad for the person who Shelly was mad at but Stan was just glad it wasn't him. He had enough problems in his life, like Wendy and what he should get her for her birthday. His sister could go rot for all he cared as long as she left him alone.

The constant noise was really starting to get on his nerve though. He complained to his parents and his dad tried to knock on his daughter's door but only got screamed at. Randy came back with a shrug and said 'I tried' and went out to have a drink with his friends at the bar. Sharon frowned at him and tried her luck but only got screamed at too. Stan didn't even try. He just steered clear from the combat zone, aka, his sister's territory which included her room and the bathroom across her room.

And then on the fourth day, everything went silent. The family figured Shelly had finally calmed down.

What they didn't know was that Shelly was packing. She was still furious so all her packing consisted of slamming clothes down and cramming them into her backpack with such force that some shirt ripped but she paid no attention. She slipped on her warm pants and large T-shirt, then wrapped a scarf around her neck. Last but not least, her combat boots. She didn't bother to comb her hair. What for? She could care less about her looks, especially when her hair would never calm down in the cold weather. Besides, with her fugly ass braces, nothing could really make her look good.

Suddenly angry for no reason, she put on her jacket.

A piece of paper fluttered onto the floor and she glared down at it. She brought her boot down on it but then just as quickly pulled it back and bent to pick it up. The smiling face of her one truelove smiled back and she pocketed it safely back into her jacket.

She was even more determined about her decision. She was not going to let this go. Amir was the love of her life and like hell she'd let him go that easily. She was going to force him to love her again even if she had to beat the love back into him. She was not going to let some middle eastern slut take him away from her. Oh no. She was going to hike all the way to New York, find Amir, and force him to marry her. Then she'd drag him back to South Park and they'd live happily-the fuck-after.

She'd make sure of that.

But she needed money.

That could be solved easily. Her dad hid some of his poker money inside one of the old vases. Shelly had caught him stuffing it in there a while back but she'd mentioned nothing, figuring she could use this information someday. That someday was today.

Shelly waited until night when she was sure her family was asleep. Then she snuck out of her room and headed straight to the vase. She sneered upon seeing it. No wonder no one came near it. It was a pussy decorated clown one that scared the crap out of anyone that looked at it. The only reason it was still around was that grandma gave it to them, plus Shelly remembers scaring the hell out of Stan once when he was four so it had some sentimental value too. Quickly, she stuck her hand inside and pulled out a wad of crumpled bills. Uh, her dad was a real moron sometimes.

After stuffing the bills into her pant pockets, she moved to the kitchen and grabbed some food on the go. After finishing that, she quietly opened the door to her house and stepped out into the freshly fallen snow. The air was crispy cold and she quietly closed the door behind her. Everything was going fine. No one would know she was gone for at least a day. Maybe more if her turd family didn't bother to check on her.

Slinging her backpack higher up her shoulder, she began trekking across the snow, her feet sinking about half a foot down.

It was dark out but Shelly could see perfectly fine. She had the eyes of a jaguar and the fangs of a viper. She was a she-devil in disguise and unstoppable now that she had a goal.

Shelly Marsh liked getting what she wanted and she wanted Amir and by God she'd get him. Because she was Shelly and no one fucked with her.

**A/N: Hello there. If you like this story than leave a review so I can continue. **

**I just watched **_**Over Logging**_** and thought "Whatever happened to Amir and Shelly?" hence why this chapter was created. I wanted to write about Shelly since she's such an interesting character and practically rarely gets shown. I probably won't get her personality right but at least I tried. Plus, I could always excuse it by saying 'because she's older' blah, blah. The fun part is going to be experimenting with Amir. **

**Like for everything 'Read and Review!'**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shelly was out of Colorado by morning, having been given a ride by some trucker man. He'd been a total turd, especially when he tried to hit on her right before dropping her off. God, who did he think she was some seventeen year old hooker? She'd kicked him in the balls and jumped out, slamming the door for good measure.

She left him keeled over and went into the liquor store to ask for directions.

"Five miles?" she asked and the man behind the counter nodded. He was giving her weird looks; after all, it wasn't every day that a girl came strolling through here. The gas station was mostly for truckers and rednecks.

Shelly glared at him, looked back at the rubble of rednecks, and decided she didn't like the men around here. Glancing around the piss poor excuse for a store, her eyes landed on a baseball bat and a knife. Immediately she went over, picked both of them up, and glared at the man, slamming the desired items on the table. "I'm buying these."

Now it was the store owner's turn to look a bit uneasy. Jesus, this girl meant business.

When she walked out of the liquor, she looked like a girl ready to do battle. She had her knife tucked away in her pant pockets and her bat slung over her shoulder. All she needed was some sort of red bandanna and she'd be the spitting image of a female Rambo. Some of the men already there to fill their gas tanks stared at her but she ignored them. She did need another ride though so she walked up to the least dangerous looking man.

"Need a ride, turd."

The man took no offense. If anything, he chuckled under his breath, leaned against his truck to try to look cool and asked, "Where to missy?"

It took a lot of self control for Shelly not to slam her bat across his face, breaking all of his crooked teeth. "Don't. Call me. Missy." Her voice held a warning that she would beat the shit out of him if he tried to call her the name again. The man chuckled nervously now but his eyes were shining with respect.

So that's how Shelly got a second ride across the state of Kansas. The man's name was Russell and he kept trying to make small talk to her but all she did was flip on the radio, put it on blaring rock just so it could drown the man's annoying voice. She didn't even say thank you when he dropped her off even though he rolled down the window and called out, "Hey, uh, it was nice knowing you and stuff." He looked awkward because after the couple of hours they'd driven, he still didn't even know her name.

Shelly glared at him and started walking away. She wouldn't know but Russell would later go home and brag to his brothers that he'd met the most magnificent woman in the world. A woman that could put even the toughest man in his place just by glaring at him.

Yup, that was Shelly.

She was now near the border between Kansas and Missouri. Looking up at the sky, it was getting late and she needed to rest up. She had a long day ahead of her. Walking around the small town, she found a motel and rented a room. It was crap but it was the only thing she could afford.

"Have a nice stay," the lady at the front desk added, a genuine smile on her face.

Shelly sneered. "Sure." She grabbed the keys and started towards her room number.

She should have realized that a motel was a shit place to stay. She could still smell the sex and she was betting on that the sheets hadn't been changed. She scrunched her face in disgust and ripped them off. It landed in a pile in the corner, the pillow and bed cover joining it a moment after. Now officially bare and stripped, the bed looked even less inviting because of the yellow stain.

"Someone pissed here and no one bothered to change the mattress." The world really was shit. Gritting her teeth angrily, she headed for the chair and sat down. Looks like she'd be sleeping in this for the night. Still angry, she stuck her hand in her jacket and pulled out the picture of Amir.

"Look at what you're making me do," she scolded. "I'm sleeping in shit left behind by other turd people just so I can make you mine again." Her storming blue eyes settled a bit when she took in Amir's olive skin, his dark eyes framed by long thick eyelashes. If anything, Amir was beautiful and Shelly had counted herself lucky at possessing the most handsome boyfriend in the world. She should have known that a long distance relationship couldn't hold on forever. If Shelly had been around him, Amir would have never fallen for this Sara girl. Oh, Shelly was going to rip her guts out of her mouth when she saw her. She was going to chop her hands and pull out her eyes for ever touching and laying eyes on _her_ man.

The sad thing was Shelly was very serious. This Sara girl wouldn't know what hit her.

In the city of New York, in a large rundown apartment complex next to a busy road roaring with traffic and people, Amir was desperately trying to send Shelly an email but she wasn't responding. She hadn't responded to any of his emails for the last five days. It was starting to drive him insane.

God, he needed to fix this!

Slamming his head on his desk, he groaned and shut down his laptop.

Off in the kitchen, he could hear his parents talking in their native tongue. They were arguing again. Amir stood and shut the door to his room, trying to drown them out, and went to throw himself on his bed miserably.

He couldn't blame them. Really, he was trying not to let it get to him. It was getting _really _heard to convince himself not to get angry at them. Calm, calm down. He couldn't lose it. His parents deserved respect.

Turning over, he reached under his pillow and pulled out a picture of Shelly Marsh. It was recent, only a couple of months old. She'd posed especially for him, having combed her hair to a semi tamable style and even worn a dress that had been gathering dust in her closet. It was a known fact that Shelly did not wear dresses which was why this picture was so special. She'd worn one just for Amir's eyes.

He smiled and pressed the picture to his cheek. For a moment, it was as if nothing was wrong.

Then Sara wormed into his mind and he realized that nothing was right.

Sighing, he put the picture back under the pillow and flopped over on his back, staring at the ceiling.

He didn't sleep that night.

**Aaannd…Cut!**

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	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"This place was shit!" Shelly screamed as she slammed her keys down on the front desk and stormed out. She shook her fist at the motel and started cursing it. She was drawing quite the attention but she didn't care. This fuck motel had given her a crick in the neck and now she couldn't turn it. Her back was aching and she was overall feeling like shit. She wanted to break something.

The unlucky person that ended up tapping her in the shoulder was unfortunate. Without thinking, Shelly turned around and popped one right in the nose. The distinct sound of crunching was unmistakable.

The person screamed and scrambled backwards clutching at his fountain of a nose. He was staring in disbelieve at Shelly and the people around them were holding their breath for a reaction. They were actually waiting for Shelly to apologize but all she did was glare at him and say, "Don't touch me, turd." Then she just walked away. She didn't even bother to ask the boy if he was okay.

For some reason, that really pissed him off and, forgetting all about his bloody nose, he ran after her. "Hey!" he called. Shelly ignored him. "Stobe!" he demanded, his voice sounding weird because of his broken nose.

Shelly stopped, not because he'd asked but because he'd actually _ordered_ her to stop. No one, but Shelly meant _no one_, was _ever_ allowed to use that tone of voice except her parents. Ever. Carefully, she reached behind her back and pulled her bat.

The boy was now backing away deciding that following this crazy girl hadn't been the smartest move. "Hey," he said holding his hands out in defense as Shelly started moving dangerously towards him. "I don't mean any trouble."

"Really?" Shelly said in a low voice, "because I thought I heard you _ordering_ me to stop." She swung her bat making a humming noise. "Turd," she spat for good measure. The boy shook his brown locks and his brown eyes flashed in fear as Shelly unexpectedly charged.

"Shit man!" he screamed and started running for his life. He was ducking and weaving through the crowd, trying to protect his head, heading for his car to try to get the hell out of there. "You're crazy, bitch!"

Shelly only screamed louder and threw her bat at the boy's feet, sending him flying flat on his face. He drew back up spitting grass and dirty out of his mouth. A shadow landed over his body and he glanced up to see Shelly's glowering face. The bat was back in her hand and she looked murderous. The boy started to fear for his life. But as if by some miracle, the girl lowered her bat and instead said, "I won't kill you. But you have to do something for me."

"Anything," he said because he was just so happy that she wasn't going to bash his face in.

She grinned and extended her hand. "The keys to your car, turd."

The boy blinked and thought very carefully about his decision. On the one hand, he could refuse and possibly get killed or on the other hand, he could just hand over the keys and walk away with his life. The evil glare the girl was giving him was enough incentive to make up his mind. He sat up and quickly patted his pockets for the keys of his Toyota. "Take it," he said, practically throwing the keys at her. She caught them easily. "Now leave me alone."

Shelly grinned, clutching the keys tight into a fist. "My pleasure, turd."

The boy watched her put away her bat and then head towards his car. How she knew it was his, he could only guess. Maybe she'd been watching him or something. All he knew was that he was going to report her ass to the police as soon as his heart slowed down and his legs stopped acting like jelly.

He heard his car roar to life and the crazy bitch drive away. The few people who'd witnessed everything were trying very hard not to laugh. To an outsider's perspective, the scene had all been rather humorous. Not for the boy though. He picked himself off and glared at the people around him. "Thanks for helping me," he sneered and walked home to tell his parents the bad news. That someone had stolen his car.

Shelly was grinning from ear to ear even though her thick braces were making her look more like a jack-o-lantern than anything else. She was flying high on adrenaline and she was proud of herself for getting her own ride. Now she didn't have to hitchhike in stranger's cars. There was still the problem of getting stopped by the police though.

The junkyard seemed like a good place to go right now. She wondered where she could find one. She could just trade this new car for an old piece of shit and then not worry about the police looking for her.

She flicked on the radio and started singing to a Brittney Spear's song. The scenery flashed before her eyes; grass, countryside, trees, a spaceship which she ignored. She wasn't her brother. She was not going to get involved in anything that wasn't Amir.

She did pause long enough to scream at a couple picking apples from an orchard where the closes junkyard was.

"Miller Town," one of the young ones said and even pointed. "Take this road here, straight, and then make a left. His place is pretty hard to miss. Ask for Jerry."

Shelly nodded. "Thanks turd!" she called back as she revved the car up. Through her rear view mirror she saw the girl next to the farmer boy shoved him and yell, "You ain't supposed to talk to strangers. I'm telling ma!"

The farmer boy raised his fist and clocked the girl one in the head. "Nawuh, or else I'll clobber you."

Their screams faded away as they ran towards some house in the distance. Shelly smirked recalling the fond memories she had of beating the shit out of her little brother. Now she'd have the pleasure of beating the shit out of Amir once she found him. And then she'd move in to kill Sara.

The junkyard really was easy to find. There was a neon sign flashing over the entrance announcing 'Jerry's junkyard'. All Shelly had to do was drive in, scream for Jerry, officially instilling the fear of God into the scrawny helper who looked like he was ready to cry.

"I don't know where he is ma'am," he kept blubbering and it was really pissing Shelly off.

Lucky for the employee, Jerry came up in his monster truck.

"Now what's all the fuzz about?" he asked stepping down and giving the situation a once over.

Shelly jerked her thumb towards the Toyota. "I wanna trade this car for an old beat up one."

Jerry raised his eyebrow at the little lady's bluntness. But just like the adults at South Park, he was stupid enough to believe he was going to swindle an idiot girl out of a lot of money. "Why, sure, little lady." He swept his arm around. "Go on and take your pick." His eyes darted to the almost brand new car behind her. "I'll just need the keys…"

But Shelly just sneered. "Now way, turd. First I have to make sure the car I end up picking works." She crossed her arms over her, actually, quiet developed breasts. No one at South Park would ever admit it but Shelly was one of the girls that had the best looking body. It was a shame about her hair, braces, and style of dressing or else Shelly would have been a looker. Oh, and also her temper and ability to beat the shit out of anybody.

Jerry, figuring he still had the better end of the deal, decided to walk her around the yard and point out the working cars.

Jerry was on his tenth car. "This here makes noise but she's fast." He patted the car fondly. Shelly just grimaced. She didn't want a racing car. She wanted a car that wouldn't make her stand out.

"No thanks," she muttered.

Jerry scratched his head, getting the feeling that he was losing her. That is, until Shelly spotted the small beat up, Ford in the corner. "That one," she said almost immediately.

Jerry took one look and started to shake his head. "That one? Naw, that ain't mine. That's Mike's. The guy you met back at the entrance." But Shelly would not be persuaded. She just marched right back up to this 'Mike' who immediately trembled at seeing her. His eyes darted every which way looking very much like a rabbit cornered by a wolf.

"Hey," Shelly said snapping her fingers across his face. His eyes snapped back to look at her. "I want your Ford."

The request took a moment to sink into the man's mind and he looked at her, back at his boss, and then at the car that Shelly had driven in. It's safe to say it didn't take too much persuading after that. So Shelly left the junkyard in her new beat up car with a very happy Mike back in the background clearly humping the Toyota in joy.

Now that that was cleared up, Shelly could finally get back at traveling across the country to her truelove. She wondered vaguely, as her car coughed along the road, whether anyone had noticed she was gone. She was half tempted to call and make sure but shook it out of her mind almost immediately. She didn't need her family to get involved in this. This was just between her and Amir and she'd fix it herself. Then she'd come back.

Back at the Marsh house:

Stan was tiptoeing nervously to his sister's territory. He had a plate of food in his hand. He glanced back to see his parents urging him on with their eyes. He wanted to yell at them because the only reason he was doing this was because his dad had kidnapped his Xbox and was keeping it hostage until he did this.

"Shelly?" he called softly, his knuckles rapping gently against her door.

No answer.

Stan frowned and looked back at his parents. They were expecting Stan to make some lame speech or something to make her come out but he knew it would only end with him getting beat up.

"Shelly," he tried again. He sighed. "Look, everyone is starting to get worried and…"

When he heard no screaming Stan knew something was wrong. So he did the only thing he could think of that would not get him in trouble with his sister. He pretended to be listening to something and then he slowly made his way back.

"Well?" Randy asked.

"She…" Stan started, his eyes looking at a spot above his dad's head. "She says she's fine but that she still doesn't want to come out."

"What?" Sharon exclaimed. "But…she hasn't been out in days! She must be starving."

Stan tried to come up with a quick lie. "Uh, she says she doesn't need food. She, uh, she has some food in her room, you know, just incase of an emergency. Don't worry, she's not starving." Or at least Stan hoped she wasn't starving. He hoped she wasn't dead in her room and her corpse rotting away or else he'd get in trouble for lying.

His parents seemed to buy it because they sighed in relief and said, "Well that's a relief. Come on, Sharon," Randy said and wrapped an arm around his wife's waist. Stan watched them go and then crept slowly back to his sister's room. He pressed his ear near the door and listened.

Nothing. Not a sound.

He pulled back and pinched his nose. Okay, either she was dead, sleeping (which he doubted), or she really wasn't in her room anymore. He sighed as he realized what he had to do. He had to check. Uh, sometimes he hated being related to this whole entire family.

"Mom! Dad!" he called as he raced down the stairs. "I'm going out!"

"Okay dear, just be sure to come back for dinner." He could hear his mother giggling in the kitchen and, honestly, he didn't even want to know.

He stepped out to his front porch and then proceeded to walk around until he was beneath his sister's window. He started climbing the tree just outside her room, almost falling twice because, goddammit, his sister had put something on these branches a long time ago to stop perverts from peeking in. Seriously, who would even want to peek in at his sister? Finally, after almost falling to his death a couple of times, he was level with her window and carefully moved to lift it up.

Besides the complete and total mess that looked like there had been a war going on in her room, there was no Shelly. Stan lowered himself down into her room and looked around. He shivered. Jeez, she'd been really mad. He was sort of glad she was gone. Looked like Shelly needed to blow steam and if she'd stayed, Stan would have become her personal punching bag.

Since she wasn't there to yell or beat him up, Stan decided to investigate and maybe find some of the things she'd stolen from him over the years like his Game Boy Advance and some Xbox games. God knows he wouldn't be able to do this if his sister had been around.

He looked through some drawers, her closet and almost immediately noticed the missing clothes.

So did she like, decide to run away?

Wondering why, Stan's eyes landed on the laptop that seemed to be in its own personal pedestal by her desk. He immediately went over to it turned it on. Looks like his sister hadn't bothered to turn it off correctly. She must have just unplugged it or something because the computer opened up to her myspace page.

Feeling like he was getting into something he shouldn't, Stan was about to close it when the flash of 'new message' popped up.

Now he didn't know what to do. "She won't know," he concluded and decided to read it.

The message went as follows:

**Amir02**: Shelly, please answer. I'm sorry for hurting you.

Who the hell was Amir? was Stan's first thought. The name sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn't quite pinpoint it. He frowned, trying to remember.

Another message popped up.

**Amir02**: I know you're logged in. At least answer me.

Deciding that he should, Stan wrote:

**SM**: I'm not Shelly.

Pause and then:

**Amir02**: Who is this?

**SM**: I'm her brother, Stan.

**Amir02**: Oh, nice to meet you. Where's Shelly?

**SM**: I don't know.

**Amir02**: What do you mean you don't know?

**SM**: She's gone. She's been locked in her room for days and when I finally decided to sneak into her room to check if she was still alive, it was empty. She must have runaway or something.

**Amir02**: Oh, God, this is all my fault.

Stan blinked. He wondered how it was this guy's faul…Oh. _Now_ he remembered who Amir was. He recalled that one time when the internet had shut down all around the world. How Shelly had been worried about not talking to her _boyfriend_ Amir! So this was Amir? That means Shelly's been dating this guy since she was thirteen!

**SM**: You gotta be shitting me. What the hell did you do?

And so Stan and Amir had a long chat about what happened and everything started to make perfect since. While those two talked, Shelly was driving across Missouri, her whole being intent on finding Amir, her truelove…and killing Sara.

**A/N: Heh, this was a pretty long one. Hoped you enjoyed the Stan and Amir interaction even if it was through the internet. **

**Also, I really wish you guys would drop a review here and there. I want to know what you think. If there's some advice on how I can make my writing better. When no one reviews, it makes me feel like no ones reading. Please, read and review.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Stan, across the country, now knew exactly where his sister was, or where she was going at least and so he was dialing Kyle Broflovski.

Ring, ring

Pause.

"Stan?"

"Kyle, I need a favor."

"What is it?"

Stan took a deep breath. "We have to go to New York and somehow get my sister back."

There was a long silence. "Uh…" Clearly confused, Kyle asked, "Wait. What? You're sisters in _New York_? When did that happen?"

"I'm not sure, the point is, are you going to help or not?"

Pause. "You know…your sister scares the crap out of me and everyone, right?"

"…yeah."

"And you've also realized that she probably won't be happy seeing you there, right?"

Stan flinched. Yup, he'd thought about it. Still, "But I have to. She might actually be on her way to kill someone. No matter how much I hate her, she's still my sister and I don't want her to go to jail." At least, that's what he'd been telling himself, over and over again.

Pause and then a sigh. Suicide plan or not, Stan was his best friend and Kyle knew Stan would be doing this with or without his help. "Yeah Stan, I'm in."

Stan grinned. "I knew I could count on you. Let me just call Kenny and we'll be on our way."

"No fatass?" Kyle asked just to make sure.

"No fatass. He'd ruin everything, probably tattle tail on us or use this as some sort of blackmail."

That sounded like something Cartman would do. "When should we leave?"

"Well, we'll have to get ready and leave with no one noticing. How about, you meet me at Stark's Pond tomorrow at midnight."

"Got it." And then they hung up.

Stan threw his cell across his desk, making a clattering nose as it collided with the mess of stuff he had scattered around and flopped back on his bed. He stared at his ceiling, analyzing whether he was a moron or just plain crazy. Amir had given him directions to his home, probably in the hopes that, when Shelly turned up again, Stan could convince his dad and mom to allow Shelly to go visit him in New York so he could explain everything. The problem was that his parents absolutely couldn't know about this. Stan would bring his sister back all on his own and no one would know anything happened. At least, that was the plan.

It was early morning in the Wahab household. Amir's parents were talking amongst themselves, enjoying their food while Amir pretended to be completely engrossed in his meal just so he wouldn't have to join in on their conversation. He knew what they were talking about, it was the only thing they talked about nowadays, and frankly, he didn't want anything to do with it. Unfortunately, his semi peaceful morning wasn't going to last.

"Amir!" a voice squealed and the poor boy froze in mid bite of his breakfast. Before he knew what hit him, he was glommed from behind by a pair of skinny arms and he almost chocked. He looked hopelessly for help from his parents but they were only smiling, happy to see such affection in two young couples whose marriage had been planned and agreed on without their son knowing.

"I've missed you so much!" the girl whispered in his ear and quickly proceeded to tug him along to the living room. "Come on slowpoke. I have to tell you so many things!"

Amir was practically dragged from his seat and he looked back longingly at his food. Resigned, he looked back at Sara, his fiancée, who was all smiles and pure love.

Sara was beautiful, he supposed: small, soft, her skin a rich brown color with long wavy black hair that reached all the way to her back. Her eyes were a warm honey brown and at the moment trained solely on him. Despite her looking like a young teenage girl, Sara was actually twenty. Amir supposed that he would be attracted to her, if he wasn't thinking about Shelly all the time, comparing. Shelly was the complete opposite of Sara: tall, hard, and had the complete and utter body of a full grown woman. Shelly wasn't as beautiful as Sara but to Amir, no one could compare to her.

Sighing, Amir tried to listen to Sara, but she was rambling again. It was something she did quite often. Amir wasn't especially interested in the decorations or the people she'd invited for the wedding seeing as how he wasn't happy about the whole thing.

Sara finished recounting the adventure she had at picking out her dress. "…custom made which reminds me, we have to get you to a tailor and have your suit fitted." She squealed again and reached out to hug him.

Amir just sighed and let her.

Life was hell. If his fiancée wasn't so powerful and rich, he'd probably runaway a long time ago but as it was, he was tied down with chains. His parents wanted it because of the power they were all going to gain, Sara wanted it because she'd honestly just seen him walking through the streets of New York last summer and had fallen in love. Being the rich spoiled brat she was all she had to do was tell her dad that she wanted him and hocus-pocus, Amir was engaged to her.

"Sara," he began and immediately garnered her attention. She leaned into him like a rabbit and pressed her body against his arm. He wanted to shake her off and he completely forgot what he was going to say.

"Yes?" she pressed, her eyelashes fluttering.

"Uh," he started and searched for some excuse to get away from her. "I have…homework. At the library. Yeah, so…I'm going to have to leave you a bit early." Her face fell but she looked like she believed him. She released his arm and Amir had to stop himself from hiding it behind his back. He stood, acting like he wasn't trying desperately to get away from her. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Sara nodded and then perked up as she remembered something. "I'll ask Baba to arrange a dinner at a prestigious restaurant later. Yes?" She didn't wait to hear his answer and just clapped her hands as if everything was settled. She turned to him and picked him on the lips. Amir blushed but she ignored it and instead said, "Well, good luck on your homework and I'll be waiting for you later today."

Amir managed a weak smile. "Yeah." He was dreading this fancy restaurant. Grabbing his jacket, he exited the apartment without alerting his parents. He quickly made his way down the flight of stairs, ignoring the elevator because he always hated those things. Outside, the sounds of a typical New York day greeted his ears and he quickly stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and began to stroll towards Central Park Zoo. He wanted something to take his mind away from everything and since he loved animals, the zoo was the perfect place.

"Amir!" a voice called and the olive skinned boy glanced up only to half smile at the familiar face of his friend Mr. Chesham. He was an old man with graying hair and thick glasses but the brightest blue eyes of any old person Amir had ever seen. He was the zoo's security. He'd been security for thirty years and no one seemed to want to fire him even though he could barely see and he kept falling asleep during his shift.

The old security guard hobbled over and patted Amir's shoulder. He was grinning and glancing at something behind him. "Got that son-of-a-bitch real good," he mumbled.

Amir raised an eyebrow.

Seeing the questioning look, Mr. Chesham proudly admitted, "I finally caught the no good monkey that's been stealing my coffee!" And sure enough, behind him Amir could see a stuffed monkey lying flat on its face in the mud. It looked like it had gotten a real good beating and its stuffing was lying scattered around. Amir could picture the sight of Mr. Chesham beating the stuffing of a toy monkey and he couldn't help but laugh.

"No good…got what was coming to him…"

Amir left the old man spitting his fury at the toy and strolled towards the birdcage. His lifted mood mellowed down into soft nostalgia the closer he got to his destination. A small child bumped into his shoulder as he ran ahead of his parents. The place was crowded but he knew the birdcage was going to be empty. It was always empty. He supposed it was the fact that people just weren't interested in seeing birds because they could see them everyday outside, their noises annoying the hell out of them every morning. Either that or they just didn't want to get pooped on.

Seeing the sign for the birdcage, Amir drifted towards it, lifting the latch and slipping in. The door closed behind him as he opened the other door and finally stepped into the cage.

It really was a tropical rainforest and it looked like it had rained recently. The dew drops were hanging off of leaves like crystals and there were some turtles from the ponds crawling across the dirt walkway. The sound of the many different species of birds filled his ears and Amir found himself closing his eyes. Yes, he loved this. Walking over to a wooden bench, he sat down and rested his chin on his palms, his dark eyes gazing out at the scenery before him. It was like a postcard. He suddenly wished Shelly was beside him, criticizing the gay birds and calling them turds.

Oh boy, he had it bad if he could think about Shelly and not mind getting pushed around by her.

"Jeez, Stan! It's freezing out here."

Stan looked at his skinny best friend and saw his frame shivering all over. He lifted his face to the air and frowned realizing that, yeah, it was colder than normal. Glancing up at the sky, he grimaced. It might storm. Dammit, if it stormed, they'd have to postpone their trip and they'd didn't have time for that. They had to leave now so they could get to Amir before Shelly.

"We can't back down now," he said glancing worriedly at Kyle.

The shivering Jew just looked at his friend's pleading eyes and sighed. "I was just saying." Lifting his face he wondered aloud, "Hey, where's Kenny?"

"Can't come," Stan said. He wasn't going to add that he'd called Kenny's house only for Kenny to answer while he was 'getting it on' with someone. Honestly, Kenny was such a whore sometimes. To make matters even worse, Stan was pretty sure Kenny had had his orgasm over the phone. Sick, he had not wanted to hear that. Before hanging up on him, he was pretty sure he recognized the other person's voice but he hadn't stuck long enough to figure out whose it was. Whatever, not that Stan _wanted_ to know. Clearing his throat after noticing Kyle's amused smile, Stan pulled out a wad of money. "Alright, I got money so we can book a flight to New York."

Kyle stared at the money and reached out to count it. "Dude, where did you get this?"

Stan shrugged. "My dad. He hides his gambling money in the stupid clown vase in our living room. He thinks no one knows about it but I found out about it like three years ago. Ever since, I've been sneaking a five dollar here and there. He never notices."

Not the Kyle approved but he couldn't help but smile. "Cool man."

Stan nodded in total agreement and then grabbed Kyle's elbow. "Let's get going. The Colorado Airport should open up soon. I mean, it is," he glanced down at his watch, "5…something." He squinted. "Can't really see in the dark."

Kyle stuffed the money in his pockets hurriedly and the two friends started trekking across the snow, thinking about hitchhiking to the airport. The busses weren't in service yet and they were freezing their asses off.

"So are you going to tell me what exactly happened?" Kyle asked after fifteen minutes of walking in silence.

Stan sighed long and loud. "It's a long story."

"Well, we've got plenty of time."

**A/N: Hey man, I just had to add Stan and Kyle in there somewhere. And even though I love Kenny too, he just wouldn't fit in because this story is about Shelly and Amir. Sorry it's super late but I just haven't felt in the mood. No excuse really. I just hope someone will drop a review.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Stan glanced over at Kyle who was slumped in his seat, deep asleep. His mouth was slightly open and he was humming softly. Grinning, Stan reached over and pinched his nose close. He watched with amusement as Kyle frowned in his sleep and opened his mouth wider to breath through it. Carefully placing his other hand over his mouth, he watched as Kyle lay still for a moment before gasping awake, swinging his arm around widely, effectively smacking Stan across the face.

"Ow! Dude!" Stan complained holding his face.

Kyle still looked half drugged and could only look around wondering what the hell was going on. A minute later, he seemed to realize what had happened and glared at Stan, reaching out to smack him on the head.

"Hey!" Stan said but he couldn't help but laugh.

Kyle though, was not amused. He punched Stan but this only made Stan laugh harder and the red-head slumped into his seat. "Not funny, Stan," he mumbled and pulled his green ushunka over his eyes. "I'm gonna get you for that."

"Ooh," he said, snickering and relaxing back into his seat. He turned his head and glanced out the window.

They were high over the ground and, according to his watch; they'd been in the air for an hour. This was, of course, after having waited two hours at the airport. They only had about half an hour left and then they'd be in New York.

Watching the clouds drift by, Stan was almost lulled into sleep. Mm, that one looked like an ice cream cone. Speaking of which, he was starving. Kyle seemed to read his mind because he said, "Well, I'm hungry."

They called one of the flight attendants over and they had a feast of a small plate of sausages, hard boiled eggs, and toast. Kyle ended up giving Stan his eggs and sausages while Stan handed him over the toast. Kyle smeared them with strawberry jam and butter while Stan shoveled the typical breakfast into his mouth. They were both satisfied and patting their belly's happily.

"Are you two done?" one of the flight attendants asked, a large smile on her face and both boys nodded. "I'll be taking these," she said. Kyle pushed the board back in place and Stan did the same.

They were silent for a while until Kyle said, "Hey Stan."

"Hum?" he asked his eyes slipping shut.

"I have to take my insulin."

Snapping his head up, Stan remembered that Kyle was diabetic. "Well, did you bring your medicine?" Kyle nodded. "Then just go into the bathroom and get it over with. No one will know."

And that's just what Kyle did. It took all of five minutes. He came back with a look of disgust and shivered. "Dude," he said in a whisper. "Don't go in there. I swear, people don't know how to fucking flush a damn toilet." He lifted his face and glared around at the people around him as if one of them was to blame which in reality was probably true. Leaning his head back, he turned his head slightly to stare out the window too. "We're almost there so don't fall asleep."

"Dude," Stan said as his eyes closed on their own again. "I'm full and I haven't slept for a whole day. I'm fucking tired."

"Fine, I'll wake you up when we start landing."

Stan didn't catch that last part because he was fast asleep in lalaland, prancing around happily through a bed of flowers with Wendy. They were holding each other's hand and dancing round and round in circles, both laughing until they fell onto the grass, Stan having the advantage to land on top of her. He proceeded to tickle her until their faces were only inches away. Breathing heavily, he gazed down at her perfect face: her dark blue eyes, her long black hair, her firm lips that could smile angelically and twist into a scowl when she was pissed. Truly, Wendy was an angel on earth to him. 'I love you,' he said to her and Wendy smiled back lifting her hands to cup his face. 'I love you too,' she said and they closed their eyes just as they lips…

"Wake up, man!" Kyle said, his hand shaking Stan's shoulder forcefully, a furious blush on his face. Kyle had tried to wake him up nicely but when he'd started moaning in his sleep and started attracting attention from the people around, he'd had to cut his friend's sleep a bit short.

Groggily, Stan peeled his eyes open and groaned, saying, "Dude, that wasn't even fifteen minutes!"

Kyle nodded in total agreement. "More like ten. But it had to be done. You were having a happy dream." Saying that, he smirked and a twinkle entered his green eyes. "So, Wendy, huh?"

Blushing furiously, Stan reached out and kicked his friend in the legs. "Shut up!"

Kyle snickered and then glanced out the window. "Heh, looks like we're here."

Sure enough, when Stan looked out the window he could see the high towers of New York. He pressed his face against the glass watching the world bellow. This was where Amir was and this was where his sister was going to wreck havoc in. He felt like he could face anything else right then, even one of their usual strange ass adventures, than face his pissed off, heartbroken sister.

But as they drew closer and closer Stan grew exited about _being_ in New York and momentarily forgot about Shelly. Sure he'd been to Mexico, Peru, Canada, but he'd never been to New York. Maybe they could do some sight seeing before looking for Amir. Kyle just closed his eyes for the landing.

As soon as they landed, they bolted out of there and gawked at the immensity of the city. Compared to the large towers around them they were like fucking ants.

"Dude," Stan breathed.

Kyle smiled and murmured, "It kinda feels nice to be here again." That's when Stan remembered that Kyle's family used to live in New York before they'd moved to South Park. Jeez, Kyle had been born in New York and the Broflovski's took a trip up here every summer to visit relatives so Kyle should know his way around. He turned to Stan and extended his hand out. "Got the address?"

Stan rummaged around his sweater and pulled out the sheet of paper where he'd taken notes. He unfolded it, checked to make sure it was the right one and then handed it to Kyle who examined it carefully. Stan watched Kyle nod to himself and glance around at some street signs before pointing in one direction. "That way."

Stan ran to keep step along Kyle's. "Are you positive?" he asked.

"Dude, I don't know everything about New York. The best I can do is follow a map. Do you think we could spare some cash to buy one?"

The ebony haired boy shrugged. "Sure."

They stepped by a little store out in the open and bought a map for two dollars. They both leaned over it, their faces pressed to read the tiny writing. Kyle rubbed his eyes and murmured, "Man, I think I need glasses."

Stan yanked the paper away and took a better look. He traced his finger over a path and pointed at the block that Amir lived. "No, you were right. We were heading the right way. Come on, no time to waste."

Despite having a vague idea where they were going, they got lost. And it got dark. And New York was not a happy place at night time especially for two young, pretty boys. They'd been getting some looks in daylight but it was nothing compared to at night. They didn't have enough cash to buy a motel room or something so they were stuck out in the cold. They still had their huge warm clothes from South Park, having completely forgotten that not all places were as cold and snowy as South Park. Luckily, they got taken in by a band of hobos. They were rubbing their hands over a fire now and looking wearily at some of the hobos that hadn't stopped looking at them.

"Thanks Stan," Kyle whispered sardonically under his breath. "We're going to be butt raped by a bunch of homeless people."

Stan had nothing to say to that. It was either take their chances here or take their chances out in the streets where real criminals and gangs roamed. "Goddammit," he muttered. Why was he even doing this? His sister didn't deserve it.

Kyle felt a hand on his shoulder accompanied by a, "Hey kids? Are you okay?"

He stiffened and forced a small smile on his face as he turned to address one of the hobos. God, he was ugly. Broken teeth, a month old beard on his face, greasy black hair and rags for clothes. Kyle wasn't one to judge a person by their appearance but in this case, he would make an exception. There was nothing good about this person, no matter what way you looked. He was up to something and Kyle had become his target. He snuck a glare at Stan who looked ready to tackle the guy if he tried anything. His eyes flickered back to the hobo and in the most serious and forceful voice possible, he said, "No, we're fine."

But the hobo persisted. "Are you sure?" he asked, having the nerve to move closer and brush his fingers across Kyle's shoulder. He flinched but the man either didn't see it or chose to ignore it. "Because, I have a small place of my own over there in that alley." He pointed and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kyle would have laughed at the absurdity if he wasn't on the receiving end of this guy's come-ons. He shook his head, "No thanks." The man's face changed almost instantly and he reached out to grab Kyle's wrist. His face twisted horribly but Kyle was getting pissed too. "Let go you fuck!" he yelled and aimed to kick him but Stan was royally pissed too and punched the guy in the face. A tooth went flying out somewhere and Stan grabbed Kyle's hand, both of them running for their lives now.

Kyle looked back to see that a swarm of them were chasing them now too, taking courage from the pedophile man. Goddammit! He pressed down on his hat so it wouldn't fly off as they ran.

"Hurry up!" Stan urged yanking Kyle along. The red-head glared at him and would have snapped back, saying he _was_ hurrying, if his legs hadn't been taken out from under him. He fell in a large heap, his hat flying off somewhere and someone (he didn't want to think about who) started to claw at his clothes.

"Stan!" he called out.

Up ahead, Stan scrambled to his feet and tackled the person on Kyle to the ground. "You piece of shit," he seethed and proceeded to beat the crap out of the hobo. Or probably not a hobo. More like some criminal. The real hobos were the ones that had staid back in the camp, warming their freezing bodies and stealing the food off of the people who'd gone out to chase them.

He was so lost in his frenzy, he didn't realize someone was calling out to him. He felt someone trying to pry him off the man he was beating up and he only stopped when Kyle's familiar voice cried, "Stop Stan! We have to leave. Now. The others are coming."

And so Stan let go (not before giving the man a good kick) and took Kyle's hand, determined to not let go this time and ran off. Kyle glanced back once, only to see the other people hadn't been after him but after the man. They were on him like a pack of wolves. Faintly, he could see someone picking his hat and placing it on their own head. Instinctively, he reached out and patted his red curls. "Aw, shit," he muttered.

Stan frankly, could care less for the hat as long as Kyle was okay. "Dude," he panted as they slowed down and tried to catch their breaths. Their hearts were pounding and they were both shivering, one from shock and the other from his adrenaline rush. Stan ran a hand through his damp hair. "We totally need to hide somewhere." He looked around, half expecting someone to jump out and try something with them.

"How about we climb a tree?" Kyle offered.

Actually, that didn't sound so bad. Then again, they could get cornered. Both realized this and shook their heads. What they needed was to find a place to stay.

They needed to find Amir. Now.

Amir was in his room trying to send an email again but no answer, this time not even from Shelly's brother. He sighed and got up to get something to drink. His father was off working but his mother was home watching her soap opera. She lifted her head when she heard him come into the living room, making his way to the kitchen and said, "Amir, love, I thought you were sleeping."

He smiled gently at her and said softly, "No mama, but I'll turn in soon."

She nodded and went back to watching her TV. He rolled his eyes at the sight of her. Ever since his father had bought the TV, his mother had become addicted to it. He padded into the tile floor of the kitchen and pulled out a glass. Opening the fridge, he took out the orange juice and poured himself a cup. He took a drink before filling it up a little more and then putting the gallon away. He loitered a bit watching the TV while taking sips but decided to just go back to his room.

He pulled out a national geographic magazine and started flipping through it. He gazed at the pyramid of Machu Picchu, reading about all the historical wealth that had been discovered. It was amazing looking at the pictures of this national monument and Amir couldn't help but wonder how the Incas managed to pull it off. The stones were huge and the Incas hadn't known about some of the mechanics that made lifting easy. They hadn't discovered the joys of the wheel yet. How had they managed to place those stones so precisely, in such a way as to be able to withstand all these decades of earthquakes and storms? It was these types of questions that made him wish he could travel and make some huge discovery. Maybe he could travel to the South Americas and take a hike through the jungles and stumble across a lost city. Maybe he could discovery what really happened to the Aztecs. He'd go in and come back from his journey as a famous explorer. It was a nice thought.

He snapped out of his daydream when his mothers loud, "Amir! Door!"

Swinging out of bed, Amir raced towards the door. He wondered who it could be. It was late and whoever was ringing was having fun making music. Was that the tune for Rock You All Night Long? Wearily, Amir unbolted the door and cautiously opened it a crack only to stare in amazement at the tired green eyes of a red-head boy.

"Finally," the boy mumbled. He turned his head and Amir could make out a second person. "Is this him?"

A blue eyed boy squeezed closer and peered into Amir's face. He nodded. "Yup. Spitting image of one of Shelly's pictures."

At the sound of Shelly, Amir pieced everything together and shifted his eyes between the red-head boy and the black-haired boy. "Stanley Marsh?" he asked.

The blue eyed boy waved and smiled. "Hey, dude."

Opening the door wide now, Amir stared at them. "What are you doing here?"

"Could we…" Kyle began motioning towards the warmth of the house, "come in?"

Realizing his rudeness, Amir immediately stepped aside saying, "Oh, I'm sorry. Please, come in."

The boys stepped in and sighed together at the warmth.

"Heaven, man," Stan said.

Amir finally noticed the state they were in. They were both dirty and disheveled. The red-head looked like he'd lost his sweater at one point and Stan had lost a shoe. He still had his hat on while the red-head looked like he'd lost his hat, seeing as how he was awkwardly playing with his hair as if he wasn't used to having it out in the open. "What happened to you two?" he couldn't help but ask. They looked like they'd been through hell and back.

The red-head shook his head. "You don't want to know, dude."

Stan nodded in agreement and tiredly rubbed his eyes. "Let me just tell you, New York is a fucked up place at night: hobos, thugs, and angry dogs."

"Who is it?" Amir's mother called and he quickly poked his head out to reassure his mama.

"Nothing, just some friends who need a place to stay. I'm just going to take them to my room." His exhaled when he saw his mama nod absentmindedly and return to her TV. Grabbing hold of their shoulders lightly, he started leading them to his room. "Come on. You two need to rest up and then tell me everything."

Both boys were too tired to protest and besides, the offer sounded nice.

Shelly Marsh was across Missouri, driving through Illinois, and heading towards Indiana. She'd only taken some pit stops to buy some food, take a leek, and fill up the gas tank. She hadn't slept, she was too angry for that. No, what she needed was a lot of energy drinks and something to occasionally take her anger out. For once, she wished she'd taken her turd brother along. It would have been fun tormenting him and it would have taken her mind off of everything for a while.

The open road was practically empty so Shelly, seeing it as her playground at the moment, took it slow, thinking, planning. The radio was on, something about the whether or something. Boring. She wanted the music to get back on so she could sing along and distract herself from thinking too much. Purposely, Shelly started to drive right in the middle of the two opposite lanes.

Someone honked behind her and she honked back.

"Fucking bitch, get off the road!" the driver yelled.

Shelly rolled down her window and shook her fist at him. "Piss off, turd, or I'll ram you off the road!"

The driver just scoffed and sped up, cutting ahead of her.

Narrowing her eyes, Shelly clenched the wheel tighter and pressed down on the gas pedal. Her Ford lurched forward and bumped into the driver's car.

"Hey!" she heard him holler. The driver sped up but Shelly only sped up. She laughed manically as she rammed into the other driver's car again. It sounded like that one left a dent. "Stop that!" the man called.

"Stop that!" Shelly mocked. She sneered. This man was just like the coward boy from Kansas. Just to spite him she rammed into the car again, this time hard enough to twist it out of its straight line.

Now scared for his life, the man sped up until he was zooming at way past the speed limit. Shelly watched him disappear in front of her and she didn't bother to catch him. She'd had her fun. Humming softly to herself, she turned the radio on high as the station started playing music again as if nothing had happened.

**There you go. Oh, and I just watched Over Logging again and realized that Amir is from Montana. Oh well. He's from New York now. **

**Read and Review please. And thanks John-SP150 for reviewing the last chapters. Hope I don't disappoint.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Hey, thanks for letting us borrow some of your clothes," Stan said as they walked through the crowd of people on their way to the zoo. The night before, Amir had let them use his bathroom to shower and he'd prepared some makeshift beds for them on the floor. The two boys had fallen asleep like rocks and hadn't woken up until twelve. They'd had a nice breakfast, just them because Amir's parents were off at work, and then Amir had suggested they tell him everything over at the zoo. He knew a place where they wouldn't be disturbed.

Amir smiled kindly at them truly enjoying their company. "You don't have to thank me."

Kyle stared at him and for the millionth time that day, nudged Stan so he could whisper, "Dude, are you _sure_ this is Shelly's boyfriend?"

For the millionth time, Stan rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, Kyle. I know it's hard to believe but could you drop it already?"

Murmuring to himself Kyle commented, "Hn, I guess opposites do attract."

Amir, oblivious to their little exchange paid their entrance and proceeded to look around for Mr. Chesham through the thick crowed of people. Sure enough, he spotted him just as Stan and Kyle did.

"Hey," Stan said pointing to the old man raising an eyebrow. "What the hell is he doing?"

Kyle squinted, covering his face from the sunlight. His red curls pooled on top of his fingers. "Looks like he's…getting into the—Oh Jesus Christ!" He started running before either one of them realized what was going on.

Amir cursed in his own language as he finally saw what the old man was doing. He started running too. Not left with much of a choice, Stan followed and braked to a stop as he gaped in amazement at the crazy old man that was trying to get into the tiger's cage. Who the fuck tries to get into a tiger's cage? He watched Kyle get there to grab him by the arm and pull him back but the old man just tried to swat his hand away, muttering something. Kyle was starting to go over too, along with the man, until Amir came up behind him and took another hold on the old man's shirt. Together, they hauled and managed to bring the old man back to the safe side.

They were sprawled on the concrete when Stan walked over to them.

Amir was the first to speak. "Mr. Chesham, what do you think you're doing?"

"You _know_ this loon?" Kyle gasped out. Amir nodded but he was waiting for Mr. Chesham's explanation. It was bound to be good.

"That guy over there," he pointed to one of the tigers, "he's trying to get me fired."

Oh. My. God. He can't be that crazy, right?

Mr. Chesham started to stand and shake his fist at the tiger. "Yeah, I saw him giving me the evil eye yesterday. Just when you get rid of one thing, another thing comes up," he muttered.

Stan looked questioningly at Amir but Amir just shook his head, mouthing, 'You don't want to know.'

"Look Mr. Chesham," Amir said trying to bring peace and stop him from repeating his little stunt when they left. "The tiger is not trying to fire you."

"But—," he started but Amir cut him off.

"No buts. The only thing that'll get you fired is if you go in there. Just promise me you won't do it again. Promise."

Mr. Chesham looked like he wanted to protest and he puffed his cheeks before he let it go and raised his hand in honor. "I promise." He did sneak back a nasty glare at the tiger though before walking away, murmuring something about some war. Amir could tell that the old man was not happy with him right now.

"Let's go," he said motioning towards the birdcage that they could faintly make out from there position.

"So," Kyle said when they started walking again. "You know that old coot?" Amir nodded. "Don't you think," Kyle proceeded slowly, "he's a little old to be working here? I think we should tell someone about this incident. Mr.…Chesham was it, could really get hurt. Imagine if we hadn't been here? He could have died."

Amir totally agreed but he wasn't happy about it. Mr. Chesham would be sent to an old people's home. Still, it was better than getting mauled by a tiger. "I'll write a letter." Kyle nodded, satisfied.

Meanwhile, Stan was in shock about the whole thing. They'd only been in the zoo, what, two minutes and _that_ had to happen. "Wouldn't be disturbed my ass," he mumbled as he trailed behind them.

It didn't take them long to reach the birdcage and, honestly, the boys had been expecting something totally different, like some tree house, or a hidden cave or something. Not a large fucking birdcage.

"This was your 'won't be disturbed?'" Kyle asked looking around at the birdcage. There was bird shit everywhere, even the benches. How the hell were they supposed to relax in here?

Stan saw something white fly through the air and land splat on his shoe. "Aw, sick dude." He looked around and rubbed his shoe on the grass. He gave Amir a look. "This place is not the best place to start discussing our problem."

Amir just laughed, which surprised them because until that moment, they'd never heard him laugh. He had looked like the sad type, to smile softly but not completely happily. He started walking along a path and led them towards a bench far removed from the entrances, shaded by low hanging branches, completely obscuring the completely clean bench leaning against the fencing. "So," he said when they had taken their seats. "Why are you here? What possessed you two to come here all alone?"

Stan traded looks with Kyle and then laid a comforting hand on Amir's shoulder. "Dude. Remember how I told you Shelly ran away?" Amir nodded carefully. "Well, I think she's coming here to kill your fiancée and we came to stop her."

Amir had suspected that Shelly would come looking for him, probably to demand a better explanation but never went as far to think that she'd come to kill them. Recalling Shelly's personality, he suddenly realized he was very wrong in hoping for the calm talk. He didn't love Sara but he also didn't want her to die. If anything, he shared some sort of affection for her in a platonic way. Subconsciously, he started biting his thumb nail, worrying and thinking.

Stan and Kyle watched him closely. When Amir didn't look like he was going to break out of his trance, Kyle snapped his fingers over his face and said, "Hey. Amir." Getting his attention, he asked, "You okay?"

He nodded, standing up. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"What about my sister? She could get here any day now."

Amir smiled at the thought and his stomach did summersaults. Forcing himself to stop feeling so happy about this situation, he glanced down at his watch, to hide his face, and announced, "I kinda don't want to talk about this. We got here a bit too late. Maybe later. Let's go eat now and don't worry, I'll invite."

The 'Yes' that exploded from the two boys made Amir laugh again.

They spent the rest of the day in the zoo, visiting the exhibits and ignoring the subject of Shelly. They tried to pretend that nothing was wrong and that they were just three guys enjoying a day off, having fun which Stan and Kyle suspected Amir didn't do very often. After leaving the zoo, they stopped by a store and bought some shoes for Stan and a new hat for Kyle (completely making his day) as well as a few articles of closing so they wouldn't have to borrow from Amir. They completely drained Amir's money and by the time they got home, it was nine and a certain someone was already waiting for him, her hands on hips.

"Where were you?" she asked and walked over to latch onto his arm. She glared at him. "I've been waiting for forever. She turned her head, noticing for the first time the two guests. She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and who are these?"

Stan and Kyle were speechless. They hadn't much thought about the fiancée except in terms of trying to stop Shelly from killing her. To say they were impressed at the sight of the very beautiful woman in front of them was an understatement. In fact, Stan had to remind himself of Wendy to keep dirty thoughts away. Kyle was blushing like mad and, after a quick introduction, excused himself for the bathroom.

Amir said nothing, but Stan couldn't help but snicker at his friend's predicament. Kyle heard and before disappearing in the bathroom, he flipped him off.

"So," Sara began sitting delicately on the couch, watching them, her honey brown eyes looking Stan over probably taking in his age and Caucasian appearance. "What brings you here?"

Stan blinked and then started to slide his eyes a bit to the side as he said, "Well, uh, Amir…he…tutors me." That sounded like a plausible excuse. He beamed internally at his ingenious. Amir also breathed a sigh of relief.

Sara glanced over to Amir in surprise. "Honey, you never told me you also tutored."

Amir fidgeted, lifting his hand to pull at his ear. "Yeah, well, there you have it." He laughed nervously. God, he absolutely sucked at lying. He hoped Sara wouldn't figure it out.

Kyle stepped out, looking much more refreshed. He smiled politely at Sara and took his seat next to Stan.

Sara got that look on her face and said, "I suppose you're also tutored, right Kyle?"

Stan and Amir froze. Kyle looked confused for only a split second before he said coolly, "No, I don't need the tutoring but I do always stick around the hour to study. And if I need help, I have Amir, free of charge, to help me." He flashed Amir a grin.

Everyone in the room breathed, Sara just looked thoughtful. "I talked to Mrs. Wahab. She said you two spent the night."

"Well," Stan began but Kyle finished for him.

"We were actually supposed to have a sleep over at another friend's house but we pissed him off and he kicked us out in the middle of the night and, well, you know how the streets are at night." Sara nodded in complete understanding. "Amir's house was the closest one so of course we came here."

Stan stared in awe at his super best friend. And that first part wasn't even a lie. Cartman had once done that to them.

Kyle, from then forth, took over the lying.

After that first hour, Sara seemed to warm up to them and the boys couldn't find anything exactly they could hate. She was beautiful, rich. If anything, Stan was surprised that Amir was still so hung over for Shelly.

"You are so lucky," Kyle commented. Having never had a girlfriend, unless you count Bebe and Rebecca, Kyle had never had the full pleasure of a female companion. In fact, it was one of the many things Cartman teased him about because, surprisingly enough, Cartman was actually good at attracting girls. A big part though was that he wasn't as fat anymore. He had more muscle than fat, partially because of football. The single status was also something Kenny teased him about which Kyle hated.

But Amir paid not attention to their compliments. He was wishing Shelly could get there before tomorrow. Sara had planned a trip around New York, inviting the two boys along too and Amir knew how those two hours were going to be hell.

**And there you have chapter six. Read and Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

When Shelly got a glimpse of the tall towers, she finally slowed down. She made it.

Her little car had managed to travel nonstop for days on the road and it was still working fine. She'd made a good choice. In her mind, there was a high possibility of running this Sara over with it.

No matter, she'd handle that slut as soon as she found Amir's home.

She'd never been to Amir's home just like he'd never been to hers. The only times they ever saw each other was during the summer for a weekend. Amir had relatives in Kansas and so Shelly would persuade her stupid dad to drive her out there. Then she'd hand a fifty, tell him to buy booze, and she'd runoff to meet Amir who'd be waiting by the park. They'd talk, kiss, and maybe even do it but that last one wasn't until much later. Then her dad, sober, would come looking for her and they'd leave. None of their parents were the wiser even though her turd brother once asked why she was going every summer to Kansas for two days. She'd punched him in the face and he never asked again.

Traffic was torture though. She waited impatiently for the line to move. Here she was in a fucking hurry and look what she got landed in. Finally getting enough, she ripped away from the line, parked in a stupid McDonald's parking lot, strapped her bat on her back, and proceeded on foot.

Growing up in South Park where the air was clean and there wasn't that much noise, Shelly hated this New York. She wondered how Amir could live in this shit hole. There were beggars on the streets; there were dirty dealings in the alleys; there were hippies frolicking in the street. Turd, all of them turds. She already hated it and wanted to get out of there.

Someone whistled at her but she ignored it. She had bigger fish to rip the guts off.

Bringing back the address in her mind's eye, she surveyed the buildings in front of her. Despite her diligence, it took her two hours to even walk into the neighbor hood that Amir belonged to.

Aw, there it was. It didn't look like much but then again Amir's family were immigrants. She was ready to cross the street and, yeah, maybe she was feeling some butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Amir again. So what? And yeah, maybe she tried to flatten her hair a bit and wipe the wrinkles out of her clothes, so what? But before she could even take a step to cross, a group of four came walking down the street towards the apartment complex.

And there was Amir being latched on by the slut.

Shelly saw red for the span of two minutes, during which she somehow crossed the street (miraculously not getting hit by a car), grabbed the slut by her long black hair and proceeded to push her out to the street in what would have been called a bitch mud fight, if they'd only been wearing bikinis and if there was, you know, mud.

"Crazy bitch!" Sara screamed as she clawed and kicked at Shelly but Shelly was ruthless. She'd already planted a few good ones and Sara would be hurting later. Someone, or rather, several people called out her name and the red haze disappeared.

_Two_ minutes and Sara was bloody and panting by the curb. The cars were passing by, people were strolling by but no one gave the scene a second glance. In this respect, New York was very similar to South Park.

Standing, Shelly balled her fists, anger still in her eyes, as she advanced towards Amir. He stood his ground, looking firm and, was that relief? Was he _relieved_ that she hadn't killed the slut? Jealousy flared out in an uncontrollable torrent and she snapped out to grab Amir by the neck.

"Don't kill him, Shelly!"

At the sound of that familiar voice, Shelly turned and saw her kid brother pleading with his eyes. How the hell he'd gotten here, she did not know. Why, was even more of a mystery. The point was he was standing right there with his little gay buddy next to him.

Her brother continued speaking putting his hands together like he was praying to her or something, glancing nervously between Amir and Sara. "You don't have to kill Amir. He doesn't even want to marry Sara."

Oh, so they were in first name bases too? She would have gone back and kicked the bitch while she was down but the second part registered in her brain. Glancing back at Amir, she looked into his dark eyes to confirm what had been said. All she saw was sadness and love for her. That was all she needed to know. Without thinking she reached out and drew his body close to her. She hugged him only for a moment, but it was enough for Stan to stare in amazement. Then she pulled back and moved her hand from Amir's neck, to his hand and started tugging him along. "We're getting out of this shit hole." She glared down at Sara and then proceeded to barrel through the street and back to her car. She wasn't even checking to see if her brother was following. All she could think about was Amir's hand in hers and how warm it was.

"Slow down!" Stan cried out back. Kyle was running next to him, huffing.

"Jesus Christ man!" Kyle breathed staring in amazement at Shelly's sprint. "She's like a professional runner."

Stan nodded, completely understanding where his friend was coming from, having never been able to outrun his sister in anything. Even now that he'd managed to join the football team. He couldn't help but think Shelly would have made a great football player but quickly shook the thought away when Shelly started moving further and further away. "We better pick up the pace."

"How?" Kyle asked. He was going at full speed as it was. He couldn't take much more of this. Besides playing basketball in elementary, he hadn't played any other sports so he was really out of shape. That's it, he thought. When I get back home, I'm going to join the Track Team.

Shelly weaved through the streets like if she'd been doing this all her life. She knew exactly where to go. A plan was forming in her mind; something that would guarantee Amir stayed hers and only hers. There was no point in talking it over with him or anyone really, she was going to do this with or without his or anyone's consent. She reached her truck in half the time it took her to find Amir's apartment.

She fished her keys out and unlocked the doors. She pushed Amir inside and he scooted over to the shotgun seat before Shelly slid into the driver's seat. She slipped the key in the ignition and started the car just as Stan and Kyle slammed into the car and rushed inside.

Stan was red and glaring at his older sister. "Thanks for waiting."

She just sneered. "No one asked you to come, turd." He didn't answer and Shelly hit reverse and started to get out of there.

Stan settled down and looked at the car with a raised eyebrow. Kyle also had the same look on his face. As far as he knew, Shelly didn't own a car. When had she gotten one? Then again, he didn't want to know. Considering it was his sister, there was probably a whole mess of bloodshed and beating up to go along with it. He heard Kyle trying to calm his breathing and looked over at him to see if he was okay. "Do you need your penicillin?"

Kyle shook his head and gave Stan a crooked smile. "Stan, running has nothing to do with my being diabetic."

Oh, right.

He nodded with a sheepish smile and turned to look out the window. He blinked. Whoa, they must be going fast because they were already out of New York and it didn't look like Shelly was going to slow down soon. He wanted to ask where they were going; if she was taking them home now, but was afraid she'd blow up and try to hit him or something.

Thankfully, Amir was wondering the same thing and, unlike Stan, wouldn't get hit if he asked her.

"Shelly," he asked staring straight at the side of her face. "Where are we going?"

His sister did not look away from the road. She looked like she was in _deep_ concentration and so she didn't say anything for a while. But Amir was persistent. He kept staring at her, waiting. He knew she was debating on whether to tell them the truth, or flat out lie.

"Las Vegas," she said.

That snapped Kyle out of his half doze. "What?" he cried. He stared at Shelly in horror. "I can't go to Las Vega, that place is horrible. What are we going to do, gamble? We're underage."

Stan wanted to get Kyle to shut up but surprisingly, Shelly just laughed her hissing laugh. "No, turd, I wanna get married." She looked at Amir who blushed. She pointed a finger, "We're getting married and you better say yes."

Amir would have said yes to anything for Shelly. Actually, he didn't find it that bad when he thought about marrying Shelly; nothing like with Sara. He even smiled softly as he turned his face to stare back out at the road.

Behind them, Stan was staring at his sister. Married? Shelly married? The idea was so alien, so fucking messed up that Stan was pretty sure he was dreaming. This just couldn't be real. All the things that came with marrying came to mind and Stan would have screamed bloody murder at the horrible scenes flashing across his mind's eye: Shelly in a wedding dress, Shelly making out with Amir, Shelly as a mom. Hell, he freaked out when an image of Shelly, in a kitchen apron, spatula in hand, came to mind. Goddammit, he was going to have nightmares for this.

He felt a hand on his shoulders, rubbing soothing circles. Kyle was trying to stop Stan from going into shock. Lucky for them, Stan's asthma had cleared up when he was younger so they didn't have to worry about one of those attacks.

Shelly pretended not to notice how her declaration had upset her brother.

"You can't," Stan finally said. He glared at Shelly's head. "Our parents…"

"What about our parents?" Shelly snapped. She could care less what her parents thought. "Shut the fuck up, turd." She didn't want to hear anymore of his fucking whining and complaining. God, she hated little brothers.

"I don't suppose you'll drop us off in South Park on your way to Las Vegas?" Kyle said banging his head on the window.

Shelly frowned. She would have loved to do that, get rid of the two turds and have Amir all to herself. But considering what her turd brother was spewing, he'd go running to their parents and tell them everything. Naw, she couldn't risk it. She'd just have to put up with them for a couple of days. It would all be worth it in the end. Besides, she could keep her brother and his fag friend under control and they might be useful later, like for bait, or a means to get more cash cause she was running out.

Her silence was answer enough and Kyle closed his eyes. His mother was going to be super pissed. She'd probably pop a blood vessel again.

Stan seemed to read his mind because he said, "Maybe they haven't noticed."

Kyle gave Stan a 'are you shitting me' look. "My mom knows all."

Stan patted his friend compassionately. Sadly, he did know how Sheila Broflovski tended to react. It got him to wonder what his parents were doing at that exact moment. If they were worried and desperately searching for them…

Back in South Park:

Randy and Sharon Marsh were sitting down watching their daily show. Sharon kept giggling and swatting Randy's hand because he kept rubbing his leg against hers. Randy just smiled and slid his arm under his sweater. "Stop that," she scolded but with a smile. "The children could see."

Randy shook his head. "Sharon, they're grown up kids. They'll know to leave so that mommy and daddy can have some fun time." With that, he leaned in and captured her lips but she pulled away. A frown on her face.

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen the kids all day." She looked up at the stairs in worry. "They've been real quiet all day. Maybe something's wrong," but before she could get up and investigate, Randy's hand shot up and held her in place.

"Sharon," he said, staring in her eyes with a serious expression. "I'm horny. Shelly's probably still locked away in her room and Stan's probably playing with his little gays friends." He smiled and kissed her again, this time Sharon relaxed. "Leave it alone."

Completely letting go of worry, she let herself be convinced by Randy.

"Besides," Randy added, "It's been such a great day, why not end it like this?"

Inside the house, everything was silent except for them.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Shelly."

Silence.

"Shelly," Stan said his voice louder.

Silence.

"Jesus Christ, Shelly! I've been holding it for two states! Can't you pull over so I can take a leak?"

Silence.

"Maybe," Amir began but a quick glare from Shelly made him keep his comments to himself.

There was more silence.

Stan sat uncomfortably on his seat. He glanced at Kyle hopelessly. Kyle could only shrug and mouth, 'Sorry, dude.' Stan huffed and finally said, "Okay then, well, I really need to go so I guess I'll just go in the car—,"

His sentence was cut short as Shelly slammed on the breaks causing all of them to jerk forward. Kyle and Stan smacked their faces on the seats in front of them because, for some reason, their seats didn't come with seatbelts. Outside, cars were honking and driving around them.

"Get out," Shelly said, her tone even and cold.

Stan didn't have to be told twice. He ripped the door open and ran across the street. Outside, it was bare land, miles of dirt stretching as far as they eye could see. He chose to stand behind a bush and quickly relieved himself. God, that was good. He'd been scared his bladder was going to explode because his sister had to be a bitch and not let him go to a bathroom.

Finishing up, he slowly made his way back to the car, hopped in, and finally could relax into sleep.

Shelly glanced at Kyle and Amir. "Anyone else?"

Silently, both Kyle and Amir scrambled out and went to do their business while Shelly glanced through her rearview mirror at Stan's sleeping face. For a moment, she let herself contemplate his face. It wasn't bad looking. He had some of their dad in him but mostly it was mom. Unlike her who had inherited a lot from their dad. She snapped out of her thoughts as the other two returned to their seats.

"No more pit stops," she said as she gunned the motor. The car coughed pathetically but moved surely forward.

Just another day in the long ride to Las Vegas with Stan's sister at the wheel.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The rest of the trip there wasn't as exiting. Shelly was true to her word. The only stops they made were for gasoline. That's usually where Kyle snuck out to buy some much needed food but it was risky because he always ran the chance that Shelly would leave without him. Shelly also refused to put on the radio so the ride was silent and awkward. Shelly and Amir rarely spoke to each other but the two younger boys had a feeling that it wasn't because they didn't want to, more like they couldn't say what they wanted because of them tagging along. As for Kyle and Stan, Kyle became quieter and quieter, mostly sleeping, while Stan, of all things, forced himself to read some magazine he'd found in his seat to pass the time. It was a magazine about cars and it was boring except for the one section that talked about car crashes.

Lack of sleep is one of the many causes of accidents, he read. Glancing up, he marveled at the fact that Shelly hadn't slept at all and it still looked like she was in full capacity. No energy drinks, no coffee was fueling her body except stubbornness and determination. Still, he wished she'd sleep for at least four hours. He didn't want to end up looking like the person on the picture.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"We're here," Shelly announced.

Amir had been sleeping and a gentle nudge from her woke him up. As for her brother and friend, Shelly threw a cassette tape on their heads to wake them up.

"Ow, son-of-a—Hey, we're here!" Stan exclaimed. He pressed his face on the window, staring up in wonder at the bright lights, the cars, the strange people. Kyle followed suit but he looked uncomfortable and not happy to be their at all.

"Where do you think we can get a license of marriage?" Amir asked, also memorized by the lights. New York and Las Vegas were nothing alike.

"I don't know," she said. She addressed Kyle, "Hey, turd! Where can we go for a marriage license?"

Kyle sat back down and stared at her. "Uh, church?"

"No turd brain, one where they won't ask questions and do it fast."

Kyle shrugged. "I don't know. Near the casinos?"

So that's where Shelly went. She drove around, looking for the perfect place and she found it upon seeing the 'Church of Love'. If anything, the sign told her some hippie was marrying people off. Which was good. She parked the car and turned towards all three of her passengers. "Get out. We're stopping here." She pointed at Amir. "Look your best." Then she pointed at the two twerps. "Don't screw anything up, this is going to be the most important day of my life. Got it?" The two younger boys nodded and Shelly grabbed Amir's arm, leading him into the church.

The church wasn't spectacular. It was pretty simple. There were no seats, it was small, the decoration consisted of a whole mess of fake flowers taped to the wall, there was a pew up in front but it looked pretty desolate. There weren't any windows and there was a funny smell in the air. They took a moment to look around and that's when the priest just stood up from his sitting position behind the pew. They hadn't even seen him and he smiled goofily at them or, not really at them, but at a point above their heads.

"Sup," he said.

Stan palmed his forehead while Kyle sighed in exasperation. Shelly didn't react at all and pulled the still very compliant Amir towards the pew. "Marry us. Now."

The hippie priest nodded. "Sure think dude, and," he squinted, "dudette. Please," he said, motioning vaguely in the air, "have a seat on my rockin' rug."

"No you stupid asshole turd, just marry us. And make it snappy."

The priest took no offense but did _not_ start right away. Instead, he looked at Kyle and Stan. "Hey, are these like, your witness?"

Shelly nodded, just to get the bastard moving along. "Yes turd, now get going."

He smiled, "Okay, man, let me just prepare myself." Saying that, he pulled a pipe out of his robe's pocket, lighted it, and took a deep breath. He exhaled and even from where they were standing, they could tell the guy was totally stoned. "Alright then," he said, his voice sounded oddly far away, like if he was imitating an echo. "Take your positions up here, facing the pew, while I read from this really really big book."

"Oh, God," Kyle muttered. This guy could have passed for a human version of Towlie.

The guy skimmed through some pages, narrowing his eyes and drawing closer before shaking his head and saying, "Man, I'm just going to skip some stuff and get to the important part. This shit is _waaay_ too long for me and the writing is _super_ small. Now," the priest started addressing Amir. "Do you, like, take this dudette, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

All eyes were on him, at his eyes that had probably never looked surer about anything in his life. "I do." He allowed himself a small smile as he turned to look into Shelly's eyes.

"Shit," Stan breathed as he noticed, actually noticed, that his sister's eyes were shining. She was glowing! She was like her own personal ray of light. That's how happy she looked. Stan was amazed. How could this one person make his sister act so out of character? Jesus Christ, they must really be meant for each other.

"And do you," the priest continued, "take this dude to be—,"

"Yes, I do," Shelly said cutting him off.

The priest grinned, slamming the big book closed. "Alright then. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now have hot make out."

And they did. It was one of the most intense kisses Stan and Kyle had ever witnessed, and they'd witnessed their fair share. "Sick, dude," Stan said, gagging. Kyle just looked away, counting the yellow stains up in the ceiling.

"You know," the priest said, after he'd rested his cheek on his palm just staring at them kissing, "I'm like a hotel too. Wanna, spend the night? It'll be totally free for you newly weds. And the witnesses," he added. His eyes drooped. "We just have to get you to sign your marriage paper thingys and you'll be good to go."

Shelly rested her arm comfortably around Amir's shoulder. She thought about it. "Bring the papers first turd, and then I'll answer."

"Sure thing," he priest said a smile on his face. He started patting his pockets and then looking bellow and behind him. "Let's see, where did I put them. Ah," he said as he stumbled across to a trashcan. He rummaged around and then yanked something out holding it above his head in triumph. "Found em, man!" He brought the papers over, smoothing them out on the edges of his pew and motioned for Shelly and Amir to come closer. "Alright, man, all you have to do is sign you names here." He glanced up at Stan and Kyle. "You have to sign too. Sign them here and here." They all signed their names and then the priest pocketed his pen and handed them their license. "That should do it. It'll cost you some money, for the hotel and stuff." He wasn't even sure what the hell he was talking about anymore. Hadn't he said the hotel would be free but Shelly handed him a twenty anyway. It could have been a hundred bucks for him, the way he marveled over it.

"The rooms," Shelly snapped after she'd let the priest stare at the bill for five minutes.

He snapped out of his stupor. "Oh! Right this way." He took them to a back door and it was like he stepped over an invisible barrier because he stripped from his robe revealing a rainbow tie-dye shirt with jeans. He took some sunglasses out of his pocket and placed them over his face as he took a spot behind a counter. He was still totally stoned but he took on a different persona. "Alright, you're room number in seven." He handed them a key and smiled. "Have a great day, dudes." He proceeded to wink and then slide down to the ground as if his legs had suddenly given out from under him. Before leaving, Stan dared to peek over and saw him rolling a joint.

Kyle was observing the small hotel and commented, "It's not that bad, considering it's run by a crack hippie."

"He must make a lot of money," Stan added.

They were so busy looking around that they didn't see Shelly stop and turn around to face them until they collided with her stone body. She had her arms on her hips and she was glaring. Immediately, Stan tried to think of what he'd done to piss her off. "You're not coming in there with us," she said.

Of course, Kyle opened his mouth to protest. "And why the hell not? We're just as tired as you!" He was balling his fist in anger and Stan looked in mounting panic as his sister and best friend got in fighting mode. He wasn't sure what he would do if it turned into an all out fight. Considering them both, Stan couldn't be sure who would win.

Thankfully, Amir was around to defuse the fight. "Kyle," he said gently, placing a comforting hand on Shelly's wrist and looking into Kyle's hazel eyes that were currently flashing a bright green. "Shelly and I just got married." There was a pause and Amir waited patiently, staring at Kyle's face.

Understanding dawned on Kyle's face and he quickly jumped back like if Amir and Shelly were poisoned. Amir sighed, nodding to confirm Kyle's suspicion while Shelly just looked amused at Kyle's reaction and laughed. To get him even more uncomfortable, she threw an arm around Amir's waist and drew him closer to her body.

Meanwhile, Stan was confused and he was about to open his mouth to ask what the hell was going on when Kyle reached out and grabbed Stan's arm. "What the hell, dude!" he exclaimed, almost tripping and stumbling on the rug as Kyle dragged him out of there. He glanced back at Amir and Shelly only to see them kissing and moving towards their room. He quickly looked away and picked up his pace. "Never mind, I don't think I want to be in the same room with them anyway."

The passed the priest guy again. He was puffing away at his pot and gave them a friendly wave as they exited his hotel. "Come back soon, guys. I'm so high right now," he mumbled staring up in wonder at the marvelous rainbows and flowers dancing before his vision.

The two boys mumbled something to him before bursting into the smoke filled air of Las Vegas. "Where exactly are we going?" Stan asked after a while of just letting Kyle drag him through the dirty streets of Las Vegas.

The question made Kyle stop. He looked thoughtful and then shrugged. "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

Stan dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out the remaining money. He frowned and then glanced up at a billboard. There was a sign announcing the amazing performance of some dancer. "Wanna go see a performance?" he asked pointing up at the sign.

Kyle glanced up and pursed his lips. "I don't know man, that looks pretty gay."

"We could find some other type of performance."

Kyle shook his head mumbling, "Well, as long as it keeps us entertained for a couple of hours."

"What was that?" Stan asked.

His super best friend just smiled. "Nothing Stan. Just that Shelly and Amir should have _at least_ two hours of alone time."

Stan blinked. "Why—?"

"Dude," Kyle interjected obviously annoyed. "If you don't get it now, I'm not about to explain it to you. Now," he said, running a hand through his thick red curls. Stan hadn't noticed but Kyle must have left his hat in the car. "Lead the way."

Stan smiled. "Kyle, you should let your hair breath more. I get the feeling that if you just let it be free, it wouldn't look so much like a jewfro."

Immediately, Kyle's hands flew to his naked head and he cursed. "Aw, fuck, I forgot my hat again. Let's go back to the car."

But Stan reached out and slapped his hands away from fussing over his hair. "Leave it man. You look fine. Besides, it'll be a waste of time. Only Shelly has the keys so unless you want to break into the car…" he noticed that Kyle was actually thinking about it and shook his head, "no way man. We're not breaking into the car just to get your stupid hat. Do you want to get arrested or something?"

Kyle glared at his friend and then sighed in defeat. No, he didn't' want to get arrested. "Fine. I'll drop it. Just…let's get moving. It's cold out." His skinny frame shivered all over.

"Wanna go out to eat first?" His own stomach grumbled and he reached to pat it. Sheepishly, Stan admitted, "I'm pretty hungry myself."

Kyle was too worn out to put up much of a fight he just waved his hand lightly in the air. "Alright. Let's do that."

Stan and Kyle proceeded to walk down the street, their voices getting softer and softer as they moved further and further away from the hotel/church.

**Yay! I guess I'm almost done with this story. Two or three more chapters. Read and review please.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Stan and Kyle had a blast walking the streets and sightseeing, even though it _was_ the middle of the night and the streets were filled with drug addicts and prostitutes. In fact, some sleazy old man walked up to the boys and asked them how much they were charging. Stan had flipped him off at the same time Kyle had screeched, "You sick fuck!" Other than that, their walk had been pleasant. They never did get around to go see that performance but they didn't mind.

Currently, they were lying on the cement edge of a large fountain. It was spouting water up high and falling into arcs around. Stan was trying to reach for a quarter while Kyle licked his coconut ice cream.

"Should we head back?" Stan asked.

Kyle shrugged. "It's been what? Three hours?"

"Just about."

"You think we gave them enough time?"

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Dude, do you really think they'd still be going at it?"

"Well, gee, I don't know. You're the one that's had sex before. Please, enlighten me. How long does it usually take for a guy or girl to get worn out?" Kyle was being very sardonic but he couldn't help it. He was cranky and he just wanted to go home already, not tag along in Shelly and Amir's wedding night or worse, they're honeymoon.

Stan flushed red, a combination of embarrassment and anger. "Shut up Kyle."

Realizing he'd gone too far, Kyle sat up and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, it's just that I'm so tired it's not even fucking funny."

Stan just nodded, accepting the apology. "Let's go then."

But even as they were walking back to the hotel, Kyle got this strange feeling someone was watching them. He'd developed a sixth sense for this since Cartman's always such an asshole and is always trying to kill him in one way or another. He shrugged the feeling off, putting it off as another one of the prostitutes or hobos and picked up his pace.

EEEEEEEE

Back in the hotel, Shelly and Amir were lying next to each, pleasantly spent. But now that everything Shelly had set out to accomplish were done and over with, she had a truck load of questions. Amir had to be careful how he answered them or else Shelly was going to beat the shit out of him. She wasn't going to be happy about it but it would be his punishment for putting her through this.

"Amir," she started her eyes glaring at the ceiling. "Why did you send me that message if you still wanted me?"

There it was. Amir had been waiting for it but Shelly had put it off. He'd thought about how to answer but really, there was no way to go through it except with the truth. "I had to. I was engaged, about to get married. I couldn't have you as a second. Not only would I be a cheating bastard, but I'd be lying to Sara too."

At the mention of her name, Shelly pinched Amir's side and he winced. "Don't say that bitch's name in my presence."

Amir rubbed his side and then sighed. "I wanted to meet you so we could talk about it face to face. But I couldn't arrange it. Sa-uh, she was being too clingy."

"Then you should have called me!" she snapped.

Amir nodded, "I did. I called you tons of times but every time I called, a man would answer and as soon as I'd ask for you, he'd tell me to stop calling because 'he knows who I am'."

Shelly groaned. "Stupid, Dad. I hate my family."

"So I finally had to tell you by private e-mail."

This is what Shelly had been waiting for. She exploded, sitting up in bed and shouting, "Yeah, but you didn't have to send me all that bull about how happy you were with Sara, how much you love her, how you didn't love me anymore. How much you were looking forward to the wedding and planning on having lots and lots of kids. I didn't need to read all that. That's what got me so pissed." She punched the headboard and rested her forehead against it. "I don't understand. Did you purposely want to make me feel like shit? Huh? If that's want you wanted, you sure as fuck succeeded." She looked down at Amir's shocked face. "You know, I hated you at first? I hated you so fucking much that I wanted to strangle you. But then you sent me that last mail where, it was like everything you'd sent before hadn't happened and you were you again and I wanted that back. That's why I did all this. Because I fucking love you."

If there was anything that could make Shelly cry, it was the men that she loved and so far, Amir had broken the record of how many times Shelly had cried for just one man.

Amir was shocked. He didn't even know where to start but he settled with, "I only sent you one e-mail. When you answered me back with such hateful language, I'd been surprised because, while I knew I was hurting you, I didn't think you'd answer with such hate. I wanted to fix things so we didn't part in such a bad way but you never answered back."

Shelly was frozen. She moved to stand, her thick brown eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"I didn't send you those earlier messages."

That familiar feeling of hate was building up in Shelly's stomach. "So if you didn't send me those messages, who the fuck did?"

Understanding dawned on them just as the door to their hotel room burst open and cops filed inside. Two grabbed a hold of Shelly and Amir jumped up to get her away from them but another cop held him back. They were both very much naked when a familiar woman walked in, hand resting on her purse and another running through thick black hair. Sara, beat up, bruised, with a horribly swollen face, grimaced at the sight of them.

"I was the one to send those messages," she said having caught the tail end of the conversation. She smiled, which made her face twist up in a horrible and what looked like a very painful way.

"You fucking bitch," Shelly said and struggled but the men had a firm hold on her.

There were noises of shouts and complaints and soon Amir and Shelly saw two other cops bringing in Kyle and Stan by their arms. The kids both looked up, Stan apologetic but Kyle was pissed as hell. Shelly could relate.

"Sorry," Stan mumbled hanging his head low. They'd been walking back and they were almost at the front entrance when they'd been jumped. Sara, under threat, had forced Stan to lead them to the room they were staying in and here they were. Honestly, Stan didn't think he liked Sara anymore.

Observing everyone in the room, Sara felt self-satisfied. They were all powerless, in her complete control so her mouth ran away from her. "Yes, it was easy to hack into Amir's email account. In fact, I ordered my men to do it almost as soon as I'd met you, dear," she mocked. "I read everything."

"So," Amir asked bewilderment in his voice. "You knew all along that I was in love with Shelly? And you did nothing?"

"Oh, I did plenty. I did everything in my power so that you wouldn't see her, scheduling outings, dinners, so you wouldn't runaway from me. When you called, I had my men redirect your call to a paranoid man who feared another terrorist attack like 9/11. When that didn't deter you, I finally decided that making this Shelly hate you would make it easier for you to forget about her. So I sent all that mail. When I saw that your own messages weren't being answered, I'd thought I'd managed my goal." She crossed her arms over her chest. "But then you started to make excuses to get away from me. You still loved her and I couldn't have that. So I had people follow you around. You're a lousy liar, do you know that? I even had the old man from the zoo. What's his name? Chesham. I paid him off so he'd tell me your every move. Why do you think such an old, worthless, man would still be around when he can't even stay awake at his job?" She shook her head. "I had to make sure you weren't cheating on me."

"And then these two came along." She glared at Stan and Kyle accusingly. She pointed a finger. "You ruined everything."

"We didn't do anything!" Stan exclaimed. His anger was slipping through. "If anything, we did you a fucking favor! We were warning you guys about Shelly possibly coming to strangle you." His eyes shifted nervously at his sister but he assumed she was too furious at Sara to get angry at him.

Sara stared him down and then shrugged. "Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?" She turned her attention to Amir, walking towards him and placing a kiss on his lips. She ignored Shelly's predatory growl. "I'm a rich spoiled brat. I always get what I want."

"You're not getting me," Amir said calmly.

Sara pulled back. "That's where you're wrong. I don't want you anymore." She shifted hateful eyes between him and Shelly. "What I want is for you two to suffer."

Amir stared at her and then his shook his head pityingly at her. "You know," he said after a while, "I wasn't going to say it, but you're an obsessive bitch."

Stan and Kyle laughed at that, Shelly chuckled and even one of the cops, who'd been watching this whole drama unfold with rapt attention, laughed under his breath, only to shut his mouth when Sara sent him a withering look.

"Yeah well, I'm charging _Shelly_ here with assault. I have eye witness accounts and, as you can see," she said by waving her hand over the whole of her face, "evidence. _Shelly_ is going to jail; you're going to suffer because she's in jail so it's a win, win situation." She nodded at the cops. "Take her away."

One of the cops hesitated and then spoke up. "Uh, shouldn't they change or something?"

It was then and only then, that Stan and Kyle noticed the complete and utter nakedness of Shelly and Amir. They had been so preoccupied with their initial capture and then Sara's story of manipulation that they'd failed to notice that very obvious detail.

Stan immediately blushed and covered his face with his hands saying, "Aw, sick, I did _not_ need to see that!"

Kyle too, looked away but he didn't say anything. If anything, the image of Shelly, naked, would be imprinted in his mind for a long time. And the thought that would accompany that image would be 'whoa'.

Sara looked like she contemplated just letting them go off in the streets the way they were but then just sighed. "Get them dressed." She didn't want any public attention on this. This was a personal revenge.

Clothes were thrown at the two naked newlyweds and they quickly changed. Shelly was eyeing the distance to the door and contemplating if she could reach it, dragging Amir along with her before the cops caught them. Stan and Kyle would be fine on their own. They'd managed to get to New York on their own; they could get back to South Park on their own.

But Sara and the cops were keeping close tabs on them.

Fortunately, Stan and Kyle took the chance to make a break for it as soon as it presented itself. As soon as Kyle felt the cop holding him loosen his hold slightly, he ripped free, grabbed Stan's arm and barreled towards the door. They raced down the corridor, completely ignoring the shouts of 'stop'. Yeah, like if they would. They passed the front desk. The hippie priest was no where in sight and Stan figured he had high tailed it out of there.

Kyle didn't take the chance of going out of the front entrance of the hotel. Instead, he went through the little, almost obscure door that connected the hotel to the church. They ran through, weaving through the randomly positioned chairs almost like if they had been put out to purposely slow them down, and barely avoided tripping. They were just about to get out of there when a hand landed on their shoulders and stopped them in their tracks.

"Holy fuck!" Stan gasped. He looked up at the stoned but panicked face of the hippie priest.

"Dudes," he was saying. "Dudes, the fuzz are here."

Kyle noticed he was holding a bag tight to his chest. If the bag had been alive, it would be choking to death.

"Dudes," he repeated and looked like he was about to cry. "They're going to take my stuff, man, and then I'm going to jail." He shook his head spastically. "No way, no way. Over my dead body, man." Kyle and Stan traded uneasy looks. The guy looked completely desperate. Then again, maybe he could help them.

"Listen," Kyle started moving slowly towards him, careful not to scare him. The hippie priest watched him wearily. "We have to get out of here. Now or else the cops will storm in here and take your dugs from you. You can't let that happen, right? You hearing me, dude? We'll help you get your stuff out."

"Kyle," Stan hissed, not liking this idea but Kyle shushed him and continued in his soft voice.

"You can trust us."

The hippie priest thought about it all of one moment and then smiled broadly at them. "Oh, I trust you man. I trust you." He jerked his thumb behind him. "There's a back exit to this building. We can get out through there. Then I can, like, totally take you to my apartment and arm ourselves. It's a revolution. The revolution about my rights, man. My rights to snort and smoke crack. Cops just have no right to steal it away from me. I bought all this stuff with my own money."

"Tangent," Kyle said and started pushing everyone towards the back. "We have to go. Now!" They could hear the police outside on the streets shouting orders and directions. It sounded like an awful lot of commotion for just getting them back. Really, Sara had no use for them. All she really wanted were Shelly and Amir. Then again, maybe she didn't want the possible rape or death of two little kids on her conscience.

The hippie priest led them behind the pipe organ, which Kyle noticed with disgust was covered in layers of dust. He lifted some sort of secret panel and they saw the little hidden passage.

"This is your back exit?" Kyle asked.

"Dude," Stan started. "Why the fuck would you have something like this in a church?"

The hippie priest crouched and swayed a bit before catching himself and saying, "You never know when you need an escape and I'd say this is like a perfect scenario."

Point taken. The hippie priest crawled in first and then Kyle. Stan debated for only a moment before he followed suit. It was dark, and their crawling noises echoed.

"Is this a pipe or something?" Kyle asked. He could feel the cool metal all around him, felt it dipping a bit with his weight.

"Honestly," the hippie priest said. "I don't even know how I built this. I was so high at the time."

Figures.

They crawled for only two minutes before they could finally make out the soft morning light up ahead. Soon, they were rolling out into the back alley of some buildings.

"What a dump," Kyle commented, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"This way," the hippie priest said and he started zigzagging somewhere. Turns out the guy had an apartment two blocks away from his business. If Kyle had covered his nose in the alley, he sure had to stop breathing once they entered the hippie priest's room. Not only did it smell like pot, but there were whiffs of food rotting, and the bad smell of a body gone unwashed for days. Stan would have puked if his stomach wasn't so empty.

Now that the hippie priest was safe in his room, he seemed to relax and melted himself on his sofa. He opened his bag and pulled out a joint and lighted it up for a smoke. His eyes closed blissfully as he said, "Yeah man, this is the life." He opened one eye to look at the two kids. "Hey, wanna smoke one?"

Stan was curious and with all the shit that was going on, he just wanted to look as stress free as the hippie priest looked to him. He took a step forward but Kyle, always Kyle, blocked is path and answered for both of them. "No thanks. We were actually wondering where the police station was."

The hippie priest smiled, seemingly not sorry that neither of them wanted one of his precious drugs. "Sure man. I've been there loads of times. It's done this street. You really can't miss it." He eyed them with his glassy eyes. "You…you going to rescue those other two?"

Kyle said nothing, only moved towards the door. Stan was the one that nodded.

"Well alright then," he said, pushing himself up. He walked towards a closet and swung it open. "You're going to need to go prepared, am I right? Just like in the video game, Grand Theft Auto." He paused to reflect on it. "I love that game man, controlling the little person and making them kill and steal and all the shit. Killer man." He poked his head back into his closet and pulled back, this time a gun in each hand.

Kyle and Stan stared. Why the hell would this guy have guns in his closet?

The hippie priest held them out for them and after a moment's hesitation, Stan walked up to take one. Kyle followed suit, not looking happy about it. The hippie priest looked down at them and then said, "You know, I think you could use some bombs or something. I think I have some but I'm not sure where I put them…"

"No," Kyle said quickly. He shook his head, hid the gun under his jacket, and backed away. "This is fine. Thanks for all your help." Silently, he turned to Stan and whispered, "Let's get out of here."

"Just," Stan said, "I really, really need to use the bathroom."

"Down through there," the hippie priest pointed.

Kyle watched his friend go and stood awkwardly in front of the hippie priest. He wasn't sure whether to be in awe or fear of this clearly mentally challenged person. At least he had the gun close to his body, incase he tried something…But the hippie priest didn't move. He seemed to be frozen on the spot, staring at something on the ceiling in wonder. Kyle practically sighed in relief when he saw Stan heading his way and he quickly led the way out of there as Stan thanked the man. But the hippie priest was too far gone, off on his own little world.

"Dude," Kyle said as they walked outside. He was gripping his jacket in a death grip. "That was surreal."

Stan nodded completely. "That was some fucked up shit right there. I mean _bombs_? I understand about the guns, everyone has a gun hidden somewhere, but a bomb?"

Kyle tried to push the memory away. "Let's just do this."

"Yeah." It was kinda slowly sinking in, what he was about to do. They were about to go into a police station armed and bust his sister out.

Jesus, the things he did for her. She better appreciate this.

**A/N: There. Next chapter might take even longer because it's going to be difficult to write. I'll try my best though. Hope you like this chapter and review please.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"So how exactly are we planning to do this?" Kyle asked. They were standing just across the police station, at a loss at how to actually get inside instead of just waltzing in from the front entrance.

Stan bit his lip. "Uh…"

Kyle sighed and rested his red curls on the brick wall of the building behind him. "Stan. I'm going to be honest with you, but I really, really resent you right now."

Stan flinched but really, he should have expected it. Any other friend would have said that they hated him and officially ended their friend status. Not Kyle. He could resent Stan, even get mad, but he always forgave and never abandoned. It was the best thing about their friendship. Stan would do anything for Kyle and Kyle would do anything for Stan, even if it sounded stupid or if there was a high possibility of getting in trouble.

So they had no semblance of a true plan, they just stood outside, watching the police station for a while.

"We could go in guns blazing?" Stan suggested.

"Yeah, and then we'll get arrested and our plan on busting Shelly and Amir out would have been for nothing," Kyle said with a sigh.

Stan sighed to and let his hand drift down to his pocket where his finger tips brushed over the little bag he'd snagged from that freaky dude's bathroom. Kyle heard the slight crinkling sound and immediately gave Stan his full attention. "What was that?" he asked suspiciously. The innocent look on Stan's face was not a good sign.

"What was what?" he asked, faking ignorance.

"Goddammit Stan, you did something stupid, didn't you?" Kyle asked already reaching over to snag whatever was in his best friend's pockets.

Stan tried to maneuver out of the way but Kyle was actually pretty fast. Green eyes stared at the small white bag he held in his hand. "Stan," Kyle began, turning his eyes severely towards Stan. The ebony haired boy squirmed and scratched his neck with a soft chuckle.

"It isn't for me but I figure, I could make some extra cash, you know? I mean, we did waste my whole allowance on this trip." Stan was turning defensive.

Kyle couldn't even begin to say all that was wrong with what he'd just said. His mouth hung open like a fish and then closed it. He gripped the bag tightly in his hand to the point that Stan heard the bag wheeze.

"Uh, Kyle?" Stan called watching his best friend get to that point he sometimes got when he was super pissed. He subconsciously took a step back, knowing how Kyle could be. He never did find out what Kyle would have done because at that moment, the hippie priest came riding in an old beat up car, guns blazing. Literally.

Both boys flattened themselves out on the wall and stared in wide eyed wonder as the hippie priest pulled out a microphone and began demanding that his crack get returned to him immediately or the police station was going to get it.

"Dude," Stan whispered. Was this guy for real? They gave each other a look as a couple of policemen came running out, guns ready and aimed. Hippie priest didn't back down. He was royally pissed in his stoned state. He just pulled out one of those bombs, ripped the safety pin, and threw.

"My God," Stan breathed, his mind going numb as he saw the small projectile sail through the air and then blow off a junk of the police station. He could only think 'She's dead. She's dead and I wasted all this for nothing.' He must have gone blank for a moment because, slowly, he began realizing that Kyle was shaking him and the scene before him had changed drastically. For one, Hippie priest was fending off a group of cops with a baseball bat. For another, Kyle was pointing at the group of prisoners making their grand escape.

"See Stan," Kyle repeated, trying to bring his friend back from wherever it was his brain had gone. "It must have blown open a few cages. We can go in and fine Amir and Shelly now."

And they did. There was no resistance, probably because all of the cops were too busy trying to calm down a crazed, stoned, terrorist, who they could still hear yelling out, "Give me back my crack, fuckers!"

They had no idea where they were going. Stepping over and stumbling over rubble didn't make their path any easier and there were a lot of cells to go through. Kyle peeked carefully into one, only to jump back and crash into Stan's shoulder as a man pressed his face against the bars. The man's listless eyes stared through him and then he stuck out his hand and said, "Change? Spare some change?"

"Uh, no," Kyle said and they quickly moved along.

After a minute of looking, Stan was starting to get frustrated. "Where are they? There are only like, ten cells."

"Maybe they took them somewhere else, you know special orders from Sara."

Stan opened his mouth to respond, thought about it, and sighed in agreement. "What should we do then?" he asked.

Kyle frowned and then looked around. There were only three doors that they hadn't investigated yet. "They _have_ to be here." He really didn't want to split up for this.

They were cut a break from God though when they distinctly heard the loud shriek of Sara. They jerked towards the door that the noise was coming from and were working their way towards it when it blew open and out ran Shelly and Amir. They almost crashed into each other but Shelly was fast enough to shove the two apart and Amir was considerate enough to reach out and grab their hands. They started running away in a long chain.

Kyle was the one to glance behind him and he cried out in fear and surprise at the sight of a crazed Sara taking aim…

"Duck!" he cried as he pushed Stan, Amir, and by extension, Shelly down to the ground.

There was series of shots that blew chucks off the wall right above their heads. Shelly glanced behind her and cussed out Sara.

"Crazy bitch," Stan whispered in wonder as he struggled to his feet.

At that moment, Shelly saw the glint in Stan's waistband and reached out to take it. She now held Stan's gun, aimed at Sara, and fired without hesitation. If it wasn't for Amir's foresight, Shelly would have not missed and then they would have been in even deeper trouble for murder.

It did serve as a good distraction though because Sara disappeared behind smoke. They took this time to make their second attempt at escape.

"What the fuck?" Kyle said as they got outside only to feel a blast of an inferno. The two boys would have stood gawking if Shelly and Amir hadn't taken charge and dragged them away on a sprint. The boys could hear hippie priest laughing manically behind them.

"Think I should give him back his crack?" Stan whispered as they ran. Kyle gave him an incredulous look. "What? I can just sneak it back into his apartment or something."

"Or something," Kyle mocked.

"What are you turds mumbling about?" Shelly snapped.

Stan immediately straightened up. "Nothing."

They hid behind a building and continued running. Only when they were sure they were safe enough to stop their mad sprint, did they sit down and think about their situation.

"What should we do now?" Stan asked his sister as they all tried to catch their breath. She gave him a glare but otherwise didn't say anything.

Kyle was pensive. His eyes drifted up to the sky and noted it was getting dark. The thought made him shiver. "We should first find a place to stay."

"With what, twerp? We don't have money and the cops are after us."

"She's got a point, dude," Stan said.

Kyle reached out and dragged Stan towards him. He pointed all around him. "Don't you remember what happened the last time we were out in the dark? Alone."

Stan gently pushed him away and tried to sooth him. "Yeah, but dude, that was back in New York."

"So."

"So, this is different."

"No," Amir interjected. "He's right. We should find a place to stay." He was scratching his stubble, his eyes bright. "And we need a phone." All three turned to look at him. He had a slow smile on his face. "I think…I know how to fix this."

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Ring. Ring.

"Who is this?"

…

"Oh! How are―WHAT?"

…

"So that's where she went."

…

"No, no, I understand."

…

"Yeah, well, I'm a man too."

…

"I'll talk to her. Don't you worry."

…

"I had a feeling. It would have been nice to have her married but…Yes, she's quite a handful. Well, all this will be straightened out."

The phone is hung and the man flips open a cell. He dials a number and waits for the person to pick up.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Sara was steaming. Her hair was fried and sticking up in burnt sticks. Her dress was ruined and her face was even worse off than before. She hated Shelly and Amir. Hated.

"Are you alright miss?" one of the officers asked as he tried to approach her. Behind him, other cops were dragging in a manic hippie looking man, outside the sounds of the sirens and firemen putting out the flames.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed and moved away. She trained her eyes in the direction the bastards had run off to. Okay, this wasn't over yet. They couldn't have gone far. If she rallied the cops together again and made them search with their cars, they could be caught in no time. As she waited, she could think up ways to torture them. No. No, she'd come along too. She wanted to see their faces when they got caught again. She wanted―

She was snapped out of her thoughts when her phone started vibrating. She reached into her pocket and checked caller ID. She groaned.

Her father.

What could he possibly want?

She flipped the phone open. "Yes Daddy?"

Pause. Her face went from nonchalant and bored to surprised and outraged.

"That sneaky bastard!" she cried. She winced as her father yelled at her. "But Dad…"

She listened all the while wringing her hands, punching the air, and stomping her feet in rage. The cops stood back afraid and awed at the same time.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"So who'd you call?" Kyle asked as they headed down the street, not sure where they were going yet.

Amir smiled broadly and dug his hands in his pockets. "Sara's dad."

Stan and Kyle flinched. "Oh."

"This should all be over tomorrow. The latest."

Shelly said nothing. Instead, she dug into her pockets and pulled out the last remaining bits of her cash. "Alright. Everyone put out. We need money for a place to stay."

Kyle pulled out the last of his money, Stan offered up some crumbled dollars and Amir pulled out his credit card. The three stared at him.

"Hey, I have a job. Or, I did. Plus, I get an allowance from my parents."

"Well," Kyle finally said. "At least we're settled."

"Now to just wait out until that bitch calls off the cops," Shelly muttered.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Sure enough, the next day, two cops came to their motel room to inform them that all charges were dropped and that they were free to go.

"What about Sara?" Amir asked much to Shelly's annoyance.

The cops sweated awkwardly. "Well, after she wrecked what was left of the police station, she called a taxi and left. But before that, she told us to tell you guys that…What did she say exactly Billy?"

"Something about payback?"

"Oh, yeah. That she'd make your lives a living hell."

The other cop nodded in agreement. "She sure was crazy."

"You're telling me," Amir murmured.

The first cop patted Amir on the shoulder and said, "Well, good riddance to her. We're actually glad she's gone. We were secretly hoping for you two to win cause she sure was bitchy and bossy. She was real mean to Ernie, our chief of police, to the point that he was gonna cry again…"

Stan and Kyle traded suffering looks as the two cops continued to talk on and on while Amir politely listened. It was Shelly who intervened and quickly shut the door on their faces with an abrupt 'good-bye.'

"See?" Amir said proudly. "Told you everything would be settled."

"Except for the fact that you two are married," Stan said. He eyed his sister wearily. "How are you going to explain this to Mom and Dad?"

Shelly glared at him and looked like she was going to hit him but didn't. Instead, she bossed them out of the motel shouting that they needed to get the car back from the hippie freak's place before someone decided to haul it out to the garbage dump.

After this, the rest of the way home was anticlimactic. Amir and Shelly were quiet but in a comfortable way, Stan was quiet because he seriously could see the huge scene Shelly and Amir would cause back in South Park, and Kyle was quiet because he was just realizing in how much trouble he was going to be in once he got home.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"What!"

"Shelly! How could you?"

"I'm eighteen. I can do whatever I want and I wanted Amir."

Sharon was getting red and her voice was rising as she said, "As long as you live under this―,"

Randy slammed his hands on the table, causing Amir and Stan to flinch but Shelly to just glare back defiantly. Randy ran a hand through his hair and said, "How could you…how could you go to New York _and_ Los Vegas and not tell me? Huh? Did you ever think I wanted to go too? No. That probably never occurred to you. And you went with a terrorist. Over me?" He crossed his arms and frowned.

"Randy!" Sharon screamed.

He turned to look at her innocently. "What? What did I do?"

"Just shut up and go to our room. I'll have a talk with you in a bit." She turned her attention to Amir and Shelly. "You two. I can't believe you didn't tell us. Not only was this rash and stupid, you ran off and eloped. But, as you said. You're eighteen and there's really nothing I can do." She turned her steely blue eyes at Stan. "As for you young man. You're grounded for three months. No TV. No video games. To school and back, do you hear?"

"Ah-uhh."

At that moment, they heard a magnificent, "KYLE ELIEZER BROFLOVSKI!"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

**A/N: Sorry that this has taken so long. I always, always, seem to go down hill once I reach the ending of a story. This might feel rushed because it sorta was. I wasn't exactly sure how to end it. That's why there's an epilogue coming. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and leave some last reviews.**


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

And so, Shelly and Amir Wahab lived happily ever after…

For about a week.

Amir had to return back to New York for Mr. Chesham's funeral. Since Amir had forgotten to write that letter, Mr. Chesham had gone inside the tiger's cage and had been mauled to death. It was really sad but while he was around New York, he went to visit his parents and ask for their forgiveness as well as introducing Shelly to them. As life would have it, his parents _did not_ take a liking to his wife and a fight was inevitable which is why Amir decided to leave and possibly not return any time soon; not unless he wanted bloodshed.

They came back to South Park and lived there for a couple of days before Shelly finally had enough of the tension her family was creating, especially her stupid dad who kept making terrorist comments. So Shelly packed up and they moved to California where Amir enrolled in some courses in the community college while Shelly got a job as an electrician.

Shortly after that though, Sara went through with her threat and made their lives a living hell in college and in Shelly's job. The teachers gave Amir more work and scrutinized his every move. Shelly's boss made her work the worst section, a group of troublemaking teenagers. It was hard work but they pulled through. Amir passed every curveball his teachers threw at him, effectively earning their respect. Shelly made her section the most hardworking, disciplined, group of the whole place, effectively earning the fear and respect of her employers and the stupid teenage turds.

When Sara found out, she was furious, but by then, she'd found someone else and had let it drop. She didn't care enough for Amir anymore. He'd broken her heart and to dwell on it anymore would mean to never let the wound heal.

Three months later, just as the Wahabs started to get their lives back on track, Shelly started getting weird feelings and upon further investigation, found out she was pregnant. Apparently, their first time back in the hotel/church had been enough to get her fertilized. It's safe to say, Shelly had screamed her horror upon finding out, that Stan got a shiver all the way in South Park.

Life suddenly became even harder.

But to talk about how they handled their new life would be to start another story.

Let's just say Shelly, the girl who hated men, adored her husband and son and beat the crap out of anyone that so much as insulted them. As for Amir, there was nothing he could complain about. He was living the life with his perfect wife and his lovely child. What man could ask for more?

**And that's it folks. This was definitely fun to write and any last comments and reviews would be appreciated.**


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